An American unit of linear measure equal to 7.5 inches. Also commonly referred to as "two hands".
Mike has a full schwartz, where as Tom and Frank only have half.
by LT48313 February 19, 2011
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The Schwartz is a greater magic. It binds everything in the universe together. It can be channeled through rings found in Cracker Jack boxes. The Schwartz can be used to move things with one's mind and the rings can be used to channel energy blades. Contrary to popular belief, these blades are not, in fact, "penis-powered" The Schwartz is kept by the everlasting know-it-all, Yogurt, in his home on the moon of vega.
Yogurt: I am the keeper of a greater magic, known throughout the universe as....

Barf: The Force?

Yogurt: No, the Schwartz
by Spodermen2121 z February 8, 2017
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The Schwartz is the greater magic, a power that ties all living things. It originated in the Mel Brooks movie Spaceballs, a Star Wars/Star Trek spoof film. It is a direct replica of The Force, only with the name changed for copyright reasons. The keeper of The Schwartz is a short man living on a desert planet named Yogurt. The Schwartz swords are mearly generated in the position for comedic purposes and are not "penis powered".
HELMET: Yogurt. Yogurt. I hate Yogurt. Even with strawberries.
SANDURZ: I'll call the attack squad, sir.
HELMET: No, we can't go in there. Yogurt has the Schwartz. It's far too powerful.
SANDURZ: But, sir, your ring. Don't you have the Schwartz, too?
HELMET: No, he got the up-side. I got the down-side. You see, there's two kinds of every Schwartz.

LONE STARR: But you're the one...
YOGURT: Yes. I am the keeper of a greater magic. A power known throughout the universe, known as...
BARF: The force?
YOGURT: No. The Schwartz.
by TheShadow April 11, 2006
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The act of blowing a load in a woman's ear. More than less causing her to become deaf.
I heard Savanah and Holland are both deaf now from receiving terrible Schwartzes' from Josh.
by joebobbob3 October 8, 2015
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A man who appears to be twice his actual age, and spends his time fenagelling free food and getting ahead on work. Will often appear bored or frustrated with conversation with colleagues of equal/lesser intelligence although these scenarios are his only human interaction and are what keeps him going.
That guy working at the laundro-mat thinks he is so smart, he was acting like a total Schwartz.
by MCWheeler June 17, 2008
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A penis-powered version of the famed nerd's-holy-grail, the light saber. Yes this penis-powered light saber was used in the film Space Balls. (title has nothing to do with penises, or so I think)
"Ah ha! I see your schwartz is as long as mine!"
by Merchant August 6, 2005
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