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One who humps legs until the point of ejaculation
"My boyfriend pulled a Jared last night; needless to say he got my sheets all wet and I still got nothing out of it."
by Gerch December 04, 2007
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37
Jared is a cheeky, smart, kind soul.
Some may even call him a philosopher, he seeks wisdom where ever he goes but still likes to horse around.

Jared is known for being into video games, Normally found in operation lockers on battlefield 4 sitting at the top of the leader board.

Strikes fear in the heart of all opponents
"I just got killed again in this game, he must be a Jared"

"Wow that guy is so smart, with that philosophy skill level he MUST be a jared"
by Jjbbigfangirl February 14, 2017
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38
a person whos name is jared duh. hes weird and random at times and he also sings annoying songs that get stuck in my head. blahzerz!
jeny: jared your soo weird

jared: no u!

jeny: jk your cool

jared: no u!

jeny: aww thanks teehee!!

jared: no u!

jeny: k.. getting annoying now.

jared: lalalala

jeny: ah my ears!
by jeny March 01, 2008
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39
A person you can count on to bring Alize to a party.
Do we have any Alize? No, but Jared should be here soon.
by fastwalker June 09, 2011
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40
The smartass person in your group that gets all a's and has a high ego
George: The answer is actually .2, get your facts right

Cacey: Dont be such a Jared
via giphy
by Jojomodojo November 22, 2016
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41
(v.) the act of sodomizing an unsuspecting homosexual negroid; often results in the contraction of AIDS. When jareding, the perpetrator lures in a pack of niggers with a bucket of fresh KFC. As the apes feast on the chicken, he thoroughly inspects them, searching for the one with the largest, most African elephant dick.

Although penises with piercings and other tribal deformities are preferred, the largest cock will suffice for jareding. Once a suitable porch monkey is selected, he will coerce the creature with pictures of female apes. As the negroid achieves a massive erection, the jareder will sneak up and position his well greased anus above the shaft.

In one swift motion, the perpetrator impales his ass on the cock and rides it like a cowboy from Brokeback Mountain, eventually causing the negroid to ejaculate. In the final step of jareding, the sick fuck will proceed to collect the semen and pour it over fresh chalupas, as he is usually 13 year old faggot Taco Bell fanboy. As he eats the chalupas, the jareder smiles with joy stroking his tiny 2.3" dick to a picture of Jack Bauer, contemplating his next victim.
Blake: My asshole is feeling really tight, you wanna go jared tonight?

Jared: Sure Mr. Locati! I'd love to go, although I call dibs on your freshly made semen-covered tacos, I'm too much of a curly headed fucking jew to pay for Taco Bell! Did I mention I'm gay?
by Von Cockenberg January 02, 2011
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