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A clever old Jewish bastard who gets credit for all the good stuff, but eludes the blame for all the bad shit.
"When the tornado blew our trailer all the way to Pascagoula, thank God none of us was killed." WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK FUCKED UP YOUR TRAILER, YOU STUPID CRACKER-ASS BITCH???????????
by Hoze April 23, 2004
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58
A being that is both omnipotent and omniscent. This means that it can both do anything and see everything. Obviously, since it can see everything, it can see into the future. If it can see into the future, it can choose its path, because it is omnipotent. This means it has seen the wrong future, or is unable to change the future, thus contradicting itself. Or, as said by an ancient Greek philosopher,

Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able? Then he is not omnipotent. Is he able, but not willing? Then he is malevolent. Is he both able and willing? Then whence cometh evil? Is he neither able nor willing? Then why call him God? ~Epicurus
When one person has an invisible person they believe in, it is called an imaginary friend. When many people have the same one, they call him God.
by PyroFerret October 15, 2007
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59
A very misunderstood Being.

A lot of definition's on here blame God for many things, such as starving children, unpunished people, parts of the world being destroyed, yet none seem to realize that it is of our own doing that these things happen.
For our evil these children suffer, and die. Of our own doing we create criminal's, and people who go "unpunished" WE are the ones destroying our own planet. One of the greatest things God has ever given us is the power of Free Will, whether or not we choose to abuse it is of our own accord, and he is not to blame for it, it is us, as evil, sinning people. Just as humans are, and always will be, we love to put the blame on someone or something else, instead of taking responsibility for own own actions.
This is what i believe, God, whether or not you choose to agree is completely up to you.
by iloveyouall1245 September 26, 2011
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60
God is the super-duper metaphysical Being who created the universe and all that is in it. He transcends time and space because He created it, hence physical specks like us can't see Him or fully comprehend Him.

God loves humanity, but gave humans a choice to love Him back. Mankind collectively rejected this offer when the universal representative (some dude called Adam) said 'no thanks bucko,' culminating in everything going to the dogs and the world plunging into turmoil and suffering, which was fair enough really.

Nevertheless, despite being rejected by His own creation, God sent His Son to earth as a random called Jesus, who died the death we were meant to die. If you are Jesus' friend and you bite the bullet, you can sneak past security with him at the pearly gates, but otherwise you're stuffed.
Thank God I'm with Jesus.
by rocket_engineer February 25, 2008
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61
Some prick.
"In the beginning, God said 'Let there be light!'...and it all went downhill from there.
by MEGslayer May 03, 2010
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62
A really big cunt who doesn't exist. If you believe in him you are also a cunt.
God: "Hello, I am God, I'm a really big cunt"
Person: "But hang on a sec, you don't exist"
God: "True, but I am a really big cunt"
by god April 20, 2005
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63
God is the main character in the bible, whether he exists or not is not for anyone to be sure, although it is highly improbable. I think if everyone stopped believing in god, and started believing in themselves the world would be a better place, but who knows.
Christian: I open my life to god so he can help me achieve
Athiest: I believe I am able to achieve.
by Richy the king March 10, 2006
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