Elbert County
An exurban Denver-area county for former Californians to play pretend cowboy in.
In Elbert County, our catchphrase is "aaaaahhhh" because suffocation is commonplace at our Mount Everest elevation.
Elbert County is predicted to double in population thanks to Lennar, yet there will still be only one 2-lane highway in the county. No worries, all 72,302 daily commuters can share that one westbound lane, it's a stroke of pure genius.
Your chronically dry eyes (elevation-related) will see plenty of nature from behind your windshield, on your 99 minute daily commute. That is, when you are not experiencing head-on collisions, black ice collisions, t-bone collisions, and wildlife collisions enjoying our county's ONLY highway.
Thankfully, our county is consistently 10 degrees COLDER than Denver, because Colorado is notorious for being hot.
Most days, it is not discernable from any other Kansas locale, save for the insane cost of living.
If you live or have recently moved here - Welcome to the Retardation Chamber!
In Elbert County, our catchphrase is "aaaaahhhh" because suffocation is commonplace at our Mount Everest elevation.
Elbert County is predicted to double in population thanks to Lennar, yet there will still be only one 2-lane highway in the county. No worries, all 72,302 daily commuters can share that one westbound lane, it's a stroke of pure genius.
Your chronically dry eyes (elevation-related) will see plenty of nature from behind your windshield, on your 99 minute daily commute. That is, when you are not experiencing head-on collisions, black ice collisions, t-bone collisions, and wildlife collisions enjoying our county's ONLY highway.
Thankfully, our county is consistently 10 degrees COLDER than Denver, because Colorado is notorious for being hot.
Most days, it is not discernable from any other Kansas locale, save for the insane cost of living.
If you live or have recently moved here - Welcome to the Retardation Chamber!
"You paid $600,000 for a house 3 hours and 53 miles from your work? That is very unintelligent!"
"Oh no, you see, I live in ELBERT COUNTY, so this is justifiable for some reason!"
"Oh no, you see, I live in ELBERT COUNTY, so this is justifiable for some reason!"
Elbert County by New Mexican November 24, 2019
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