Belgacom 

Belgacom is one of the branches of the Belgian government. It collects taxes disguised as telecom services without providing said services.

The common misconception that Belgacom actually provides telecom services probably stems from the name (in which -com is actually short for "complete wankers"), their enormous headquarters in northern Brussels, and their invoices listing calls you never made and mysterious services you never received.

If you beg for long enough, Belcacom might actually connect you to the internet. Please note however that possessing a working internet connection is a criminal offense in Belgium and you will be fined accordingly.

Belgacom, embodying both Belgian political culture and customer service, has spawned a multitude of common expressions.

"He's in a Belgacoma" - All brain activity has ceased.

"That guy is Belgacompetent" - He can't tell his ass from his elbow.

"I went Belgacom on his ass" - I told him to fuck off and die.

Belgacum: an ejaculation caused by raping a customer.

Belgacomedy: conversation with a retarded person.

Belgacomfort: not being a Belgacom customer.

Belgacommerce: making a 500-million-euro yearly profit by selling nothing and doing nothing.

Belgacomplacency: turning a blind eye to openly criminal activities.

Belgacomplaint: a complaint thrown in the bin without reading.

Belgacompound: giant headquarters built with money stolen from the masses.

Belgacomputer: a computer with no internet connection.

Belgacomrade: a graduate of Joseph Stalin's School of Customer Service.

Belgacom by Vieux Polack November 3, 2011

Belgacom 

A bunch of no-good thieving scumbags masquerading as a Telecomms company, BELGACOM is the largely state-owned Belgian quasi-monopoly internet, mobile and landline telephone outfit.

Employing over 16,000 ‘special’ children, Belgacom is internationally known for being the worse internet provider in the entire universe. A little old fashioned in ‘real’ countries, Belgacom persists with copper wire ADSL, a technology so old it is thought to have been invented by Jesus. It is understood the CEO’s office is stuck in a time vortex that convinces everyone inside that the year is 1608, hence no optical fibre.

Belgacom, or Belgacunt as it is widely known, makes you wait up to 500 years for an internet connection. Installation, which costs €149 and takes only 10 minutes, is performed by a fuckwit circus monkey.

The cretins on the customer hatred line (Belgacunt is well known for not having a 'support line'), only speak in daego. All other languages will be ignored. Well known for their rudeness, knowledge of their particular drawl is not required, as the only word that the cocky little marzipan dildos actually know is "non", which is the same in any language anyway.

Belgacunt was recently fined €500,000 for raising their prices without telling anyone, and the hope is that they will soon get fucked up by the EU commission, because in this day and age pubicly-owned telecomms companies are a bit old hat, particularly when the service is a little bit completely fucking abysmal!

"Man, I'd sure like to get revenge on Belgacom for that €250 bill they sent me for the ten minutes work they did in my house! Maybe I'll abuse them on the internet until I get my money back"

"96% say they would fuck Belgacom. Fuck them, those arrogant, incompetent bastards. I hope they get soddomised by their own fixed-landlines."

Belgacom by SoontobeaTelenetcustomer October 27, 2011