by Poopy but November 07, 2020
Your going to die if you mess with this dude he is literally going to kill you. He has a M60, a suicide vest, and a fucking tank. But here's a twist he cant motherfucking die.
by oofman3 November 18, 2018
A police officer, especially one who reflexively uses his or her Taser in situations in which a real cop would rely on his or her wits and communication skills.
Peace Loving Citizen: Excuse me, officer, might you have the time?
Taser Monkey (later, to Grand Jury): The perpetrator approached me and presented a reasonable request in a peaceable manner. I had no choice but to tase him. And tasers are "non-lethal" so it's obvious he died on purpose just to frame me.
Grand Jury: But your victim was a 90-year-old man with a heart condition in a wheelchair with an oxygen tank... asking for the time. And you killed him.
Taser Monkey: Exactly. He could have been a terrorist with a wheelchair bomb, plotting to kill me and everyone else in the area. A lesser cop might have answered with the time and we could all be dead right now!
Grand Jury: Oh right! What were we thinking? Of course we'll side with you no matter what. Fuck the citizens!
Taser Monkey (later, to Grand Jury): The perpetrator approached me and presented a reasonable request in a peaceable manner. I had no choice but to tase him. And tasers are "non-lethal" so it's obvious he died on purpose just to frame me.
Grand Jury: But your victim was a 90-year-old man with a heart condition in a wheelchair with an oxygen tank... asking for the time. And you killed him.
Taser Monkey: Exactly. He could have been a terrorist with a wheelchair bomb, plotting to kill me and everyone else in the area. A lesser cop might have answered with the time and we could all be dead right now!
Grand Jury: Oh right! What were we thinking? Of course we'll side with you no matter what. Fuck the citizens!
by taserbrain February 12, 2010
by FART KING AND THE GASSY MINION March 29, 2009
by chiphead.net March 30, 2009
Cradling your significant other's hefty ball sacks in the cup of your hand, taking pressure off the penal area known as the perineum.
Hey dude?
YEah man...
Your balls look tired
Yeah i had a rough day
Weellllllll i mean ill cradle monkey them for a little bit so they can relieve circulation.....i mean if thats okay..
.........ummmm sure.....is that gay?
No man not at all........let me do it
YEah man...
Your balls look tired
Yeah i had a rough day
Weellllllll i mean ill cradle monkey them for a little bit so they can relieve circulation.....i mean if thats okay..
.........ummmm sure.....is that gay?
No man not at all........let me do it
by HPFBanana Hammock March 15, 2011
a phrase used when other euphemisms just won't do.
I suggest you don't wet the monkey when your mother's in the room.
That movie tried too hard to wet the monkey; it just looked painful.
That movie tried too hard to wet the monkey; it just looked painful.
by Bishopk March 05, 2009