I’m not a doctor

Preliminary sentence spoken by authority figure before any bizzare utterance to imply that any subsequent nonsensible ignorant ravings are just common sense irrespective of what the slaves to ‘Big Pharma’ keep saying.

..........

I’m not a doctor, but X-rays, they cause mutations right? So why not expose people full of covideo19 viruses to a bunch of X-rays? Maybe we could turn the viruses into herpes, or something else harmless that we all have?

by gnostic3 April 25, 2020

Doctor Vetorkian

Veterinarian who moonlights making house calls to euthanize pets.

We wanted our dog put down in the comfort of his bed, surrounded by family, so I called Doctor Vetorkian.

submitted by WIZARD OF ODDS [e-mail] / [e-mail]

by Wizard of Odds February 6, 2025

Doctors

Nah you get the fuck right out of here because you are going to black bag my ass if it isn't public.

Hym "Yeah, no doctors until after. And you see how bad these motherfuckers want to do a Jesus to me? Is it because by rivaling God I have tainted their from now until the end of time?"

Doctors "You won't be-"

Hym "It'll still be there though."

Doctors "You won't be rememb-"

Hym "It'll still be there though."

Doctors "Yo-"

Hym "Yeah, it'll still be there though. I think we all needed this a little bit. A rousing round of blasphemy! Several even! We should make it a holiday or something. And then we could say: 'Every day is blasphemy day.' Right?"

by Hym Iam July 11, 2025

Doctor humping

Sucking up to a doctor to obtain drugs.

I'm going to do some doctor humping to get some valium.

by Redheaded Monster April 19, 2018

you should see an ear doctor

Sarcastic reply to use when someone is being oblivious to something you just mentioned

Friend: So what're you doing this Saturday?
You: I'm spending the weekend at my girlfriend's house.
Friend: Cool, so you wanna come over? Like, on Saturday?
You: *You should see an ear doctor*. What the fuck do you think I just said???

by I hv no idea what I'm doing December 19, 2022

The doctor's middle finger

A slang term for opioids, where they are viewed as a doctor's way of giving someone the middle finger. If the doctor can't diagnose a patient's condition, and the patient continues to insist on treatment options in spite of the doctor's reluctance, the doctor may prescribe the patient opioids as a way of simply shutting them up rather than helping them figure out what's wrong. Given the naturally addictive nature of opioid medications, this is often seen as a doctor's way of hurting someone back, often being viewed as the worst-kept secret of American healthcare.

"I recently found out my grandma's death was attributed to an opioid overdose. She'd received the doctor's middle finger over her chronic kidney troubles in 2006, and things were never really the same for her since then."

by Inlovewithabsol January 9, 2023

Doctor Spock

A type of facial expression, specifically eyebrow movement when you catch your ho lying, cheating, if you will...

... Suspecting that someone has gone "Where No Man Has Gone Before"

My girl came back, said she went to the store, I got all Doctor Spock on her ass

by joeydnewyork February 21, 2020