Social Masturbation

The act of using Myspace, Facebook, or Twitter hours a day, in the name of being more social, at the expense of actually being social.
You don't have any friends.

Yes, I do, I have 300 friends on Facebook. I'm social.

No, that's social masturbation. Maybe you should go to a party or something.
by Dvorak Typist April 15, 2009
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Mormon Masturbate

Giving ones self the dutch rudder in order to avoid the guilt of blowing a load and becoming impure. This way it can be claimed you have not hammered on yourself. In the line of weird ways to avoid impurity, it is below soaking.
I was about to mormon masturbate before passing out when Jane walked in and told me she was down to soak.
by young gooch September 07, 2010
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verbally masturbate

(v.) to derive excessive pleasure by dominating a conversation, usually through bragging and a demonstration of extreme knowledge of a subject, lording it over other people
Dan couldn't stop verbally masturbating to Incubus; he even asked me what "A Certain Shade of Green" was about, despite knowing for a fact that I had never heard the song.
by The Ox June 05, 2003
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Narcissistic Masturbation

The act of having sex or doing sexual things with someone so similar to you, they could nearly be called a clone.
Andrew: Ah man i just slept with Jessica!

Dave: What?! She is exactly like you! You look and act like you could be the same person!

Andrew: I know, it was some serious Narcissistic Masturbation!
by Kurutoro August 12, 2011
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Unconscious Masturbation

Sleep, specifically referring the brain's cognition during the act of sleeping.
Person 1: How was AP Chemistry today?
Person 2: Man, I was so bored, I ended up doing some unconscious masturbation.
Person 1: That's pretty cool, bro, I did some unconscious masturbation myself during Spanish class.
by Frothy Walrus March 11, 2010
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Masturb-Aid

you blow your load into a cup and mix it with a Kool-Aid Singles. masturbaid is the result.
"i'm thirsty, dude. go get your mom. i want her to suck my cock and make me some masturb-aid."
by Ickmodomonomomo August 17, 2008
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