Be back in minute just flexing a pop.
Why did you take so long? Sorry I was flexing a pop.
Do you have a toilet? Need to flex a pop urgently.
Why did you take so long? Sorry I was flexing a pop.
Do you have a toilet? Need to flex a pop urgently.
by HeavySoss December 7, 2019
Get the flexing a popmug. Military: when someone in your division is frustrated that you haven't been doing anything for the last couple of hours and wants to go home so your first class makes everyone stick around for hours doing something menial and totally unrelated
*Ship's power goes out*
E-3: LPO why are we even here? We're doing nothing, for a different division that doesn't need or want us, on a system that's not even ours, we've completed all our work for the day, and I just want to go home. Its 1500!!!
LPO: uhhhhhhh FIRST CLASS FLEX! Everyone stay behind for another two and a half hours to pick up trash on the pier!
E-3: LPO why are we even here? We're doing nothing, for a different division that doesn't need or want us, on a system that's not even ours, we've completed all our work for the day, and I just want to go home. Its 1500!!!
LPO: uhhhhhhh FIRST CLASS FLEX! Everyone stay behind for another two and a half hours to pick up trash on the pier!
by Slash1492 April 20, 2019
Get the first class flexmug. by Arminkshipper June 18, 2025
Get the Flexesmug. Ahh man here come this flex again showing off his new tesla sheesh he's always in somethin new
Flex agains - boasters or big time braggers who always have proof to back it up
Flex agains - boasters or big time braggers who always have proof to back it up
by Treyyounggod October 18, 2018
Get the flex againsmug. by Potatoepatches August 26, 2019
Get the Flex tapemug. Flex Officer (noun):
An elite-tier desk goblin who lives rent-free under the Captain’s desk, occasionally surfacing to breathe through their nose holes and remind everyone that “they’re special.” Born from the unholy union of nepotism and weaponized whining, the Flex Officer is the workplace equivalent of a trust fund baby who thinks mopping is a hate crime.
They don’t work at the jail — they grace it with their presence.
They don’t get mandated — they get massaged.
Their radio isn’t even connected — it’s just Bluetooth synced to Spotify where they’ve got a playlist titled “Gaslight, Gatekeep, Girlboss.”
Key Attributes:
• Can hold their breath under a desk for 2 hours straight if Daddy Captain is rubbing their back and whispering, “You’re my little soldier.”
• Cries “unfair!” with the power of a soap opera widow anytime someone asks them to… do their actual job.
• Works half a shift, takes a full lunch, and still needs a mental health day from the trauma of watching other people do things.
Hierarchy of Enablers:
• Daddy Captain: Wears khakis so tight you can hear his thighs beg for help. Bends rules like he bends over to scratch the Flex Officer’s belly.
• Mommie Lieutenant: Pretends to discipline but calls them “my baby” when no one’s looking.
• Uncle Lou: Definitely has something sketchy going on!
Fun Fact:
The Flex Officer once got an award for “Most Improved” after showing up to roll call on time… once… in 2019.
An elite-tier desk goblin who lives rent-free under the Captain’s desk, occasionally surfacing to breathe through their nose holes and remind everyone that “they’re special.” Born from the unholy union of nepotism and weaponized whining, the Flex Officer is the workplace equivalent of a trust fund baby who thinks mopping is a hate crime.
They don’t work at the jail — they grace it with their presence.
They don’t get mandated — they get massaged.
Their radio isn’t even connected — it’s just Bluetooth synced to Spotify where they’ve got a playlist titled “Gaslight, Gatekeep, Girlboss.”
Key Attributes:
• Can hold their breath under a desk for 2 hours straight if Daddy Captain is rubbing their back and whispering, “You’re my little soldier.”
• Cries “unfair!” with the power of a soap opera widow anytime someone asks them to… do their actual job.
• Works half a shift, takes a full lunch, and still needs a mental health day from the trauma of watching other people do things.
Hierarchy of Enablers:
• Daddy Captain: Wears khakis so tight you can hear his thighs beg for help. Bends rules like he bends over to scratch the Flex Officer’s belly.
• Mommie Lieutenant: Pretends to discipline but calls them “my baby” when no one’s looking.
• Uncle Lou: Definitely has something sketchy going on!
Fun Fact:
The Flex Officer once got an award for “Most Improved” after showing up to roll call on time… once… in 2019.
You: “Why the hell am I getting mandated again?”
• Sergeant: “Flex Officer said he has emotional allergies to night shift, so Daddy wrote him a note and gave him a juice box.”
• You: aggressively Googling ‘how to fake your own death with minimal paperwork’
• Sergeant: “Flex Officer said he has emotional allergies to night shift, so Daddy wrote him a note and gave him a juice box.”
• You: aggressively Googling ‘how to fake your own death with minimal paperwork’
by BigDaddyBear53 July 4, 2025
Get the Flex Officermug. She loves to flex on social media, posting photos of her latest luxury vacation that make us all a bit jealous!
by Emotional Cruiser November 14, 2025
Get the flexmug.