captain starfish

Someone, usually a self-absorbed, often delusional individual who chooses to post endlessly grandiose, pointless, rambling texts, in an attempt to garner contempt from fellow forum members.

The etymology is a combination of "Captain Obvious" and "chocolate starfish"
Thank you, Captain Starfish. (The usual reply to the person.)
by Peter the Catfish Eater. June 17, 2014
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The Captain’s Surprise

Sneaking three fingers in the asshole while wearing a captains hat and blowing an airhorn.
( verb)
The Captain’s Surprise: Sneaking three fingers in the asshole while wearing a captains hat and blowing an airhorn.

“He gave me the Captains surprise on our second date at the marina.”
by Jamsandwich1 May 31, 2023
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captain's list

the short list of people with whom you would feel comfortable talking on the phone while you are dropping a deuce
My girlfriend has asked me to remove her from my captain's list.
by Ae5Ea8 January 16, 2016
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Captain America

big buff patriotic roid-monkey from the 40’s
The Roid Monkey could be Captain America
by JesusInAVan September 28, 2020
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captain buddick

A man whose penis cannot be felt during intercourse
by joelykins12 November 26, 2011
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Captain DoucheBeard

He is one of the few Admiral Douchebags, sailing the office halls, highschools, and other public places. Often confused with Captain Redbeard, but rather than being a ginger, he has jet black hair.

He is often seen wearing a pair of sunglasses a wifebeater. Nothing can stop his greasy hair and fake Italian/New Jersian accent, for he as always dreamed of being a cast member on the Jersey Shore

He spends his days pointing at his biceps, following women, making promises he can't keep, blasting his shitty music, revving his car at anyone who dares walk "his" streets, lifting 20-pound dumbells while drinking Martinis, tanning while it's cloudy out, insulting anyone who wears the wrong brand shoes, complaining about his cellphone service, emptying gallons of spray deodorant, and banging your girlfriend.
Tom: What a douche!
Brady: That's Captain DoucheBeard.
by iSpeakDaTruthz February 18, 2011
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captain debauchery

a bartender superhero alias who lives in edmonton alberta.
His special powers include being able to out drink and out party the common folk.If you are caught drinking with him

beware of his weakness vodka.
by burninoil January 03, 2012
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