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Toilet Guardian

A member of the Ancient Order of the Guard of Club Lavatories. Those incredibly mystical and powerful brown people who watch you pee and then wash your hands for you. Surprising numbers of them seem to be serial rapists/sex offenders
"No spray no laaay, no spray no laay, we want gash gash gash" - Toilet Guardian

"Be quiet, Toilet Guardian" - person
by twigulus October 23, 2011
mugGet the Toilet Guardianmug.

toilet massage

when your pet cat is on your back purring while you are taking a shit.
I had an epic toilet massage this morning before leaving for work
by cavemaneyebrows July 22, 2017
mugGet the toilet massagemug.

toilet halo

also known as a potty protector.

This is the round ring of paper to put on top of the public toilet seat so that your bum does not come in contact with said seat.
If you are going to use a public restroom - you better hover or use a toilet halo!
by CheekyBottom July 26, 2009
mugGet the toilet halomug.

toilet browsing

The act of taking a device to the toilet and spending many hours there, not pooping/peeing
Dave took his laptop to the bathroom and was toilet browsing until his sister caught him.
by Gaming withcall June 4, 2017
mugGet the toilet browsingmug.

Tucker Toilet

noun.
A toilet that requires males to tuck their junk down into the bowl out of fear of urinating on or over the rim whilst dropping a deuce.

A Tucker Toilet is identifiable by either a very short bowl, from front to back, and/or if the Toilet Seat Bumpers are higher than average.
The short bowl will naturally bring the front rim closer to the tip of your dick. Often a sudden cold sensation of accidental contact is made, which is amongst the most horrifying things that can happen to a man in private. At least with a short bowl, this sensation can be taken as a warning against what could have happened.
When the seat has high bumpers, however, one can often find themselves pissing on top of the front edge of the bowl without warning, causing a Uriniagara Falls down the front of the toilet.. possibly soaking the back of your jeans.

Performing a Peter Tucker is necessary for these bathroom traps.
"Dude.. watch those public stalls. All are tucker toilets."
"I give this hotel a 2 star rating, only because of the Tucker Toilets. Do your Housecleaning staff a favour, and replace those toilets with something men can use! I aint cleaning up that mess!"
by Basque JRED October 17, 2015
mugGet the Tucker Toiletmug.

toilet clams

The cling-ons left over when flushing alone doesn't remove everything from the bowl.
I flushed and flushed but the toilet clams wouldn't disappear and she didn't have a bowl brush; it was so embarrassing!
by DriftPenalty November 5, 2017
mugGet the toilet clamsmug.

Toilet Raft

To build a small raft from toilet paper so that your poo shall not splash on first descent.
Tiffany: what took you so long, sounded like a wee.
Bruce: Thats what the Toilet Raft wanted you to think.
by Eronzay May 23, 2012
mugGet the Toilet Raftmug.

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