I don't believe it!

phrase (var. I do not believe it!)
an expression of utter disbelief at a truly unfathomable circumstance. Popularised by the grumpy old man Victor Meldrew (Richard Wilson) from the popular BBC television situation comedy series, One Foot in the Grave, written by David Renwick. Although "I don't believe it" is the catchphrase of the show, the first time Victor said it was in the last few minutes of "The Return of the Speckled Band" - the final episode of the first series. Profanities such as ‘bloody’ and the rather taboo ‘fucking’ are commonly inserted by the proletariat to create a heightened sense of shock but are rarely uttered by the more refined classes of middle England.
From the sitcom;
On discovering a lamppost had crashed through his bedroom window 'Victor Meldrew' exclaimed "I don't believe it!"

Colloquial use;
Dave: Look Barbara, malt loaf is on 'buy one get one free'
Barbara: I don't believe it!

by Nicholas A. T November 18, 2006
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I don't mess with

A polite way of saying that you don't have, and don't want to have, anything to do with someone or something.
I don't mess with Matt Lauer or the Today Show ... and that's a very nice way for me to put it!

I want to say one thing to the American people. I want you to listen to me. I'm going to say this again: I don't mess with that woman.
by Philosophistry November 15, 2010
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I don't disagree

The ultimate corporate weasel-speak. WTF? Either you agree or you don't agree.

See also: 'Evasive mumbling"
"John, the numbers just don't make sense. We can't spend $10,000 per impression."

"I don't disagree Phil, but it seems like we should look beyond the numbers here."
by Menopausal Hyena February 03, 2010
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I Don't Cur

A mispronounciation of "I don't Care," as spoken by P. Diddy's fuckboy Chopper on his show "Makin' Da Band."
"Chopper, I know you took it up the ass from Farnsworth Bentley," - Normal Person

"I don't cur," - Chopper
by Geoff L. August 06, 2005
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I don't even.

A short way to say "I don't even know" while simultaneously shaking your head, laughing at how terribly retarded people can be.

Often used with responses to "...'The Fuck"
Bill: Mary told me she had sex with her brother.
Joe: ...............'The fuck.
Bill: I don't even.
by lolmart April 04, 2010
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I don't care

1: "I'm gay!'
2: "I don't care."
1:
2: "But-"
by BATMN every day January 18, 2019
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i don't do

When you're too good to do something. Refusing to do a certain task, or wear a certain type of clothing because it is beneath you.
I don't do flats. They're trashy.

I don't do garbage. Save it for someone else.
by Just me me me February 20, 2010
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