Pop punk is best described as pure, unadulterated
crap. Thats right, nothing good makes its way into this
music. You will know that you are listening to pop punk when you have the sudden urge to kill yourself. The bands who play the
music usually know 3 chords on their respective instruments, plus someone bangs on a single snare drum. The most common characteristic of a pop punk fan is a large cleft centered on the face, surrounded with
short, curly hair and a tiny, sensitive bud located within a few folds of skin, in the upper portion. The color of the hair usually matches the eyebrows. A pop punk fan also has no tolerance for good bands, and will commonly say such uneducated statements
like "The Beatles
suck, man, put on some Guster, rock on, derrrrrrr". You may substitute "The Beatles" for any classic/
90's rock band. To form a band name for your own pop punk band, pick an obscure word out of Webster's, and then follow it with a
dash and a random number of 3 digits or less.
St. Peter: Why do you think you deserve to be in
heaven son? After all, suicide is a mortal sin.
You: Well, Pete, I accidentally heard a pop punk song...
St. Peter: Say no more, my son. Welcome to
heaven, and you won't have to hear that shit here. Would you
like your complimentary Led Zep album now, or later?