Advanced Awkward Turtle

Advanced Awkward Turtle

Advanced Awkward Turtle is the next stage in evolutionary awkwardness.
To perform the Advanced Awkward Turtle there are three preliminary conditions you must be sure are in place.
Make sure to find an introverted, lonely looking person. Preferably one that is sitting alone. Also, make sure that he/she has a free hand that is placed on a flat surface, with the palm facing down. Lastly, make sure that the hand is within reach. With these conditions, you are ready to perform the Advanced Awkward Turtle.

First, place your opposing hand directly on top of his/her free hand with your palm facing down and your fingers pointing the same direction. Next, make eye contact as you start to rotate your thumbs counter-clockwise(as in standard awkward turtle). Wait until awkwardness ensues. If awkwardness does not become apparent, follow the next steps.

Decrease the distance between your face and theirs, while increasing the rotational speed of your thumbs.

Advanced Awkward Turtle would be used in these situations.

Billy, the boy who never talks, is sitting alone. Until you walk over and get intimately awkward with him.

A bully is picking on you, so you bust out the Awkward Turtle. A gentle wink thrown in will make sure he will never go near you again.

Works very well in breaking the ice, or annihilate it completely.

by Bubba Franks Man March 12, 2009

turtle rancher

Noun; Someone who makes situations/moments awkward by interjecting into conversations inorder to make someone make an awkward turtle.

Guy: hey did you catch that Celtics game last night?
Guy2: No I...
Guy3: two midgets just stole my ice cream, so i killed them with an ice cream scooper!
Guy2: *makes awkward turtle
Guy: Dude you're a major turtle rancher.

by Tucker Sampson May 20, 2008

turtle crack

when your penis is slightly visible through the zipper that you forgot to close.

Babji walked out of the bedroom, once again with the zipper of his shorts open, creeping through the small crevice was the tip of his man junk. This was a classic case of turtle crack.

by GBond April 25, 2010

Turtle Roulette

A game where there are 5 turtles. And you must get one of the turtles to suck your dick. Uncomfortably one of the turtles is a snapping turtle.

Mike played turtle roulette last night and he got his cock bit off.

by CockMongler289 January 2, 2011

turtleslut

A turtle of any species that is promiscuous in nature, often engaging in sexual activity with a frog. This act often results in turtlefrogs with the absence of adequate protection.

This swamp is full of turtlesluts! Damn, you'll get some action!

by hearton February 26, 2011

turtle nub

A short, fat, ugly and sweating male creeping at the late Thirsty Turtle in College Park, MD. This man must be all of the characteristics stated previously to qualify. And most importantly he must be SWEATING, and not sweaty.

OMG, that turtle nub was tryna grind up all on me, so I poured my drink on him.

by weeniekinz June 3, 2011

Turtle Food

Another name for marijuana. Otherwise more of a code name, to protect college students. Turtles are a pet that are allowed in the dorms. They are also awesome animals. The use of Marijuana sometimes reflects the acts of a turtle.. Slow, Hungry..etc.

roommate 1: " hey, did you get the turtle food?!"
roommate 2: "dude, I already fed the turtles. They're pretty damn full."
roommate 1: "You owe me 20 Bucks for that turtle food!"

People Listening: Thought(oh wow, they must have turtles.)

by turtlefoodordie October 13, 2011