Functional alcoholic

Someone who can maintain an orderly, outward social appearance while their personal life has devolved into complete chaos due to over-drinking. Their friends and family are often impressed with their achievements, while the alcoholic knows that their drinking has lead to a full-blown loss of control and that it is just a matter of time until their behavior blows up in their face. In a bad way.

Emelio's friends/family: " Emelio is about to graduate med school. We are so proud. We only wish we could accomplish as much".

Emelio: "I am a functional alcoholic. Everyone I know thinks I'm doing great but in reality my brain has turned to slush. I can't believe I BS'd my way through med school and got a 3.8 GP because I don't remember any of it. I can't believe I'm almost 30 and have somehow avoided getting a DUI thus far. Everyone thinks I'm so great, but in reality, I'm totally fucking dangerous but I just haven't been caught yet. It's all catching up with me though. It's only a matter of time until I do something really stupid and everyone will realize what a fuck-up I truly am.

by ???s upon ???s September 1, 2016

fuctifino

This noun is used by dads/ moms attempting to classify an animal for their children. The fuctifino is an elusive species that can shape shift to resemble any type of animal. The most prevelant shapes include bugs, fish, birds and anything elsenot easily identified.

Dad, what type of fish is that? Well son, that is a fuctifino and the bug it just ate is also a fuctifino.

by Rian's Dad September 6, 2013

Functionally High

When a person smokes enough marijuana to feel its effects, but not enough to alter competence at regular daily tasks or create a lasting low after the effects have worn off.

Becoming functionally high is a skill that comes naturally for some, and for others takes a long time to develop and master.

Person 1: I just got some killer bud from a friend of mine. Wanna smoke?

Person 2: Ok, but I have work in an hour. I guess I'll go in functionally high.

by DJAlexxander September 8, 2011

Funcie

Common term used by Ball State Students to refer to Muncie, IN. Used sarcasticly, as students feel that there is nothing to do in Muncie.

Man, there is absolutely nothing to do here in Funcie, IN.

by Liz and Jill September 25, 2005

too gay to function

A male who is blatantly gay but acts like he is still in the closet and no one knows, when around other males, he cannot help but be flustered and out of sorts

Damian from the movie, Mean Girls is still "too gay to function" in Mean Girls the Reunion

by 5GuysGoingOneWay November 21, 2013

funce

verb. a certain type of flatulence that is particularly loud, and sometimes so forceful that the vibrations can be felt by others.

Alec Baldwin once funced so hard he had to get surgery to fix his ruptured anus.

by Thomas Sgroi July 18, 2007

function muffin

Usually a fat lightskinned black kid that goes to the functions and sits there like a muffin

Look at Jayden over there being a such a function muffin!

by pandaboi031518 April 21, 2023