From the vantage point of a rational human with functioning gustatory papillae, the lamb meat in all forms is the gastronomic equivalent of getting kicked in the testicles.
Imagine, if you will, meat that tastes like it’s been marinated in dirty old sweaters, perfumed with a hint of petting zoo after a spring rain, and garnished with the toxic secretions of a cane toad. The consumption of lamb is less a meal and more an elaborate prank gone wrong.
The texture? A true paradox. Somehow it is both sinewy and gelatinous, as though the animal was full of despair and sadness before its untimely demise. And the smell, how in tarnation can it smell that foul? The stench wafts through a home like the ghost of livestock past, clinging to drapes, walls, and assaulting the olfactory senses of every poor soul who is in the vicinity.
Supposed connoisseurs will wax poetic about its “earthy richness” or “rich, robust, and well-balanced flavor” which, when translated from nonsense speak to to honest English, means “sweaty mutton disguised as fine dining”. It is not “delicate,” it is despicable; it is not “robust,” but a belligerent assault on the taste buds.
Lamb should only be served if your guests have wronged you terribly or if you have lost all hope in the potential of food bringing you, or others, joy.
In conclusion, a lamb as a dish is best served NEVER. It is a betrayal of the palate, a disgrace to the kitchen, and a compelling argument for vegetarianism.
Imagine, if you will, meat that tastes like it’s been marinated in dirty old sweaters, perfumed with a hint of petting zoo after a spring rain, and garnished with the toxic secretions of a cane toad. The consumption of lamb is less a meal and more an elaborate prank gone wrong.
The texture? A true paradox. Somehow it is both sinewy and gelatinous, as though the animal was full of despair and sadness before its untimely demise. And the smell, how in tarnation can it smell that foul? The stench wafts through a home like the ghost of livestock past, clinging to drapes, walls, and assaulting the olfactory senses of every poor soul who is in the vicinity.
Supposed connoisseurs will wax poetic about its “earthy richness” or “rich, robust, and well-balanced flavor” which, when translated from nonsense speak to to honest English, means “sweaty mutton disguised as fine dining”. It is not “delicate,” it is despicable; it is not “robust,” but a belligerent assault on the taste buds.
Lamb should only be served if your guests have wronged you terribly or if you have lost all hope in the potential of food bringing you, or others, joy.
In conclusion, a lamb as a dish is best served NEVER. It is a betrayal of the palate, a disgrace to the kitchen, and a compelling argument for vegetarianism.
Jacob: You should come over for dinner tonight.
Patricia: That sounds lovely, what are we having?
Jacob: A lamb dinner, I was thinking a roast leg of lamb.
Patricia: I just threw up in my mouth.
Jacob: Lamb Souvlaki?
Patricia: I would rather starve.
Jacob: Lamb chops?
Patricia: Que distinguida.
Jacob: Lamb kofta?
Patricia: Que feo.
Jacob: Lamb Shank Ragu?
Patricia: Ohhhh, you know what? I just remembered, I am busy tonight, sorry.
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Fact: There is literally no version of lamb that is not completely disgusting
Patricia: That sounds lovely, what are we having?
Jacob: A lamb dinner, I was thinking a roast leg of lamb.
Patricia: I just threw up in my mouth.
Jacob: Lamb Souvlaki?
Patricia: I would rather starve.
Jacob: Lamb chops?
Patricia: Que distinguida.
Jacob: Lamb kofta?
Patricia: Que feo.
Jacob: Lamb Shank Ragu?
Patricia: Ohhhh, you know what? I just remembered, I am busy tonight, sorry.
-----------------------------------
Fact: There is literally no version of lamb that is not completely disgusting
by Volando Con El Viento April 20, 2025
Get the Lamb dinnermug. The act of placing the video for "Lamb Chop's, the song that doesn't end" on an internet dispute as your final argument, thus stating that you they have no point and you could care less about their opinion.
"Some trick started talking shit about my blueberry muffins. After about an hour she was practically begging to be Lamb Chopped."
"Ahh, nothing is as satisfying as Lamb Chopping a random Troll."
"Ahh, nothing is as satisfying as Lamb Chopping a random Troll."
by Robbanana October 11, 2012
Get the Lamb Choppingmug. Lamb to slaughter line refers an unsatisfying or dead-end job that seems like it would lead you to your death.
by spen53 May 17, 2018
Get the lamb to slaughter linemug. The Australian version of Instagram, where you only get bot pages, porn advertisements and animals being mauled to death.
Canadian Guy: "Looks like Instagram is recommending my new band's page to people, nice."
Australian Guy: "Really? All I get are bot promotions and animals being mauled to death."
Canadian Guy: "That's the thing, I'm on Instagram, you're on Shit and Lamb."
Australian Guy: "Really? All I get are bot promotions and animals being mauled to death."
Canadian Guy: "That's the thing, I'm on Instagram, you're on Shit and Lamb."
by The Moist Critic February 10, 2023
Get the Shit and Lambmug. by P4PPi June 1, 2019
Get the LAMBE GRELOSmug. by G-God January 26, 2017
Get the Baa Lambmug. A sheep less than one years old who has not given birth.
Often mis labeled as “baby lamb” by those who do not know what a sheep is, and assume it is a different animal from a lamb.
Often mis labeled as “baby lamb” by those who do not know what a sheep is, and assume it is a different animal from a lamb.
Person 1: Hey look! I got a baby lamb! Person 2: A lamb is a baby sheep, there’s no need to say “baby” in front of it. Did you drop out of grade school?
by DollyPartonsWig March 5, 2022
Get the Baby Lambmug.