Your typical rock climbing, "not all who wander are lost", sub alpha male who's moderately pretentious & his diet consists of microbrews and charcuterie plates.
by Yamothasleg March 6, 2021
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As you are performing coitus in the doggie position on your lover's birthday (or anytime really) - Step 1. Light a candle and stick it into a cupcake -- Have at ready! Step 2. Slowly and gently bring the cupcake forward towards your partner's view. Step 3. Sweetly whisper 'Happy birthday' in your partner's ear. Step 4. (now this is the tricky part and takes precision timing) As you conclude your birthday whisper, swiftly remove your penis from your partner's vagina and abruptly insert it into the anus and provide one muscular thrust inward (trap ALL that air!). CRITICAL STEP!! - Once she rears back in shock from the surprise birthday entry, strategically position the cupcake WITH lit candle directly in-line of the beehole while simultaneously plungering your schwantz out with great torque, friction, and quickness for the best airy effect (chef's kiss). If done correctly and the timing is just right, this will extinguish the candle's flame all in one assertive, swiveling exit.
Now to Step 5 - At this point, your birthday girl may have thought the surprise was over -- but oh no. Step 5. After the candle has been properly extinguished, bring the cupcake back to your lover's view to make a wish! Step 6. As the wish is being verbally shared, begin to sensually smear the cupcake all over her face while singing 'Happy birthday to you....happy birthday to youuuuu...' ---- She'll never forget it! :)
As you are performing coitus in the doggie position on your lover's birthday (or anytime really) - Step 1. Light a candle and stick it into a cupcake -- Have at ready! Step 2. Slowly and gently bring the cupcake forward towards your partner's view. Step 3. Sweetly whisper 'Happy birthday' in your partner's ear. Step 4. (now this is the tricky part and takes precision timing) As you conclude your birthday whisper, swiftly remove your penis from your partner's vagina and abruptly insert it into the anus and provide one muscular thrust inward (trap ALL that air!). CRITICAL STEP!! - Once she rears back in shock from the surprise birthday entry, strategically position the cupcake WITH lit candle directly in-line of the beehole while simultaneously plungering your schwantz out with great torque, friction, and quickness for the best airy effect (chef's kiss). If done correctly and the timing is just right, this will extinguish the candle's flame all in one assertive, swiveling exit.
Now to Step 5 - At this point, your birthday girl may have thought the surprise was over -- but oh no. Step 5. After the candle has been properly extinguished, bring the cupcake back to your lover's view to make a wish! Step 6. As the wish is being verbally shared, begin to sensually smear the cupcake all over her face while singing 'Happy birthday to you....happy birthday to youuuuu...' ---- She'll never forget it! :)
My special lady, Betty, got the quiverjibbles after I laid a perfect Colorado Birthday surprise on her!
by horsetrough hank November 21, 2024
Get the Colorado Birthday mug.When your girl is eating your ass and you shart on her face getting the little specks of shit on her. Batteries not included.
Hailey: "OMG you won't believe it last night I hooked up with Hunter and he gave me a Colorado Mud Trumpet! It was awesome!!"
by AvalancheFan007 December 20, 2024
Get the Colorado Mud Trumpet mug.When you go to a conference thousand’s of miles away… and you happen to go with two attractive ladies… after the first day is done, you and the two ladies agree to have dinner and drinks. One thing leads to another and the suggestion is made to go to the hot tub. So everyone goes to their hotel room to change. Colorado Matt is feeling great believes a fun night is ahead. So Colorado Matt changes into his bathing suit and just before exiting the room, he takes two viagra’s. All parties then convene at the hotel’s hot tub. Drinks are had and after a few hours, both of those attractive girls thank Matt for a fun time but state that they have to leave for the night. Colorado Matt, fully torqued.. realizes that he has a big problem, he’s alone for the night….without taking a load off. It’s now approaching 11pm and the security guard for the hotel approaches Matt and says, “hey buddy, I’m turning off the jets.” Matt then realizes that his towel is across the pool area, and in order to get over to his towel… he has to get out of the hot tub, fully torqued, and walk over to his towel. What started off as a fun night… led to a torqued night without the ability to release. That is the story of Colorado Matt.
Dude, I got Colorado Matt’ed when I was in Florida at this conference. I was so torqued but couldn’t go to bed for hours.
Brodie, how was your conference? Dude, I got Colorado Matt’ed. I thought I was in!! Little did I know that I would be closing the bar out by myself. I still have a great time though.
Brodie, how was your conference? Dude, I got Colorado Matt’ed. I thought I was in!! Little did I know that I would be closing the bar out by myself. I still have a great time though.
by Torqued Matt June 25, 2025
Get the Colorado Matt mug.by Robert Hackle July 21, 2025
Get the Colorado Cockblock mug.In July 2003, allegations of sexual assault were made against professional basketball player Kobe Bryant by a 19-year-old woman. On July 18, 2003, news media reported that the sheriff's office in Eagle, Colorado, had arrested Bryant in connection with an investigation of a sexual assault complaint, filed by a 19-year-old hotel employee. The woman accused Bryant of raping her in his hotel room on the night of June 30. Bryant had checked into The Lodge and Spa at Cordillera, a hotel in Edwards, Colorado. In short he forced the ball in the hoop that night
by Ancientbluesky September 11, 2025
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by Bop the bob December 15, 2025
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