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Poop

If it’s mushy it’s diarrhea if it’s hard it’s ebola
My dad used to let me eat poop on school nights
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Poop

Poop-lactose intolerant variant

Beginning:
The first hour is the easiest. You eat away with no repercussions. Your stomach starts to feel bloated. Regret sets in, but it’s far too late.

Middle of the night:
You wake up to pressurized air in your ass. It builds and builds and you risk it, just air. Mere seconds later, the most toxic, gut wrenching smell goes into what was your nose. One whiff strong enough to put down an elephant. The second it hits your nose, you get sent into shock. Paralyzed, you’re have to smell even more.

Throughout the day:
The farts smell worse and worse. A constant smell of radioactive farts. You feel the solid shit flow through your intestines. It holds back the liquid shit behind it.

Its time:
You feel the final solid shit reach your asshole. On the way to the bathroom, you mentally prepare yourself for hell. You sit down, bracing your mind and body. The shit comes out and liquid mixed with air shoots out after. Splattering the whole inside of the toilet. Any harder, the toilet would explode. The noises coming out your ass compete with your mouth. The shrieks you let out make your neighbors think your are being killed. After you expelled the haunted shit, you grab your toilet paper supply. You wipe, and wipe, and the toilet paper comes out no cleaner than before. After awhile, you ass is finally clean. But it’s wise to take a shower.

Aftermath:

You get over this traumatizing event, but deep down, you know it will happen again. :)
I’m lactose intolerant, but I still ate ice cream. I had to go through the “poop- lactose intolerant variant” event.
by Dairy lover July 15, 2023
mugGet the Poopmug.

Poop

Hey, bro I just took a fat poop.
by Fred Frenkinston January 22, 2021
mugGet the Poopmug.

Poop resume

noun
The scourge peer review sessions. Much like the poop dollar of Workaholics, a poop resume is a prank in which an individual tricks another into picking up their resume, the underside of which has been at some earlier time smeared in poop. Much to the dismay of the individual, they often realize this after they have handled it
"Hey man could you look over my resume for me"
"Sure thing, hey I like this font is this Times new- "
"POOP RESUME!!!"
by aussieaussie October 15, 2018
mugGet the Poop resumemug.

ghost poop

when you try to poop but you just fart
man you pooped quick.
nah man it was just a ghost poop.
by hammie boie July 12, 2018
mugGet the ghost poopmug.

pooping pad

The pad you put over the leftover defication and liquids in a porta-potty to insure no splash back
by johnphok March 14, 2015
mugGet the pooping padmug.

Fruit poop lush ice

When you walk into a bathroom or space where it smells like poop but also smells like a fruity vape
me: hey bro it smells like fruit poop lush ice in here
Bro: yea man I was smacking the geek and I got the nic shits too
me: bro that's brutal
by anonymous January 30, 2025
mugGet the Fruit poop lush icemug.

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