1. On my 40th birthday, I decided to go to a brothel to finally lose my
virginity. After spotting the most
beautiful woman I'd ever seen, I just had to eat her out. But when I pulled down her pants, she was pussyless. Five years later, I'm still a virgin and I spend my all my free time sucking nut butter out of meat straws just like I did to hers.
2. Whenever Mike is
challenged by another dude, he always chooses flight over fight. He runs away even if another dude makes a pass at a girl he's trying to get with. So, everyone calls him twopuss, which stands for the world's only pussyless pussy.