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the united states 

a country where people eat a lot, shoot a lot, screw a lot, and scream a lot. National animal is bald eagle because most of the politicians are bald and if we were eagles, we could fly somewhere without being stripped down at the airport.
The United States thinks it's the world's only superpower, except they owe all their money to China.

show her the fifty states 

originally coined by the movie "Horrible Bosses" by Jason Sudeikis' character, Kurt, defined as having sexual intercourse doggy style on a road map of the United States. (including Alaska and Hawaii)
Yo dude, his wife is so hot. I'd love to bend her over a barrel and show her the fifty states

The United States Merchant marine Academy

also known as Kings Point. Its a place where one wears a silly costume (uniform), does plenty of excercise(looking at porn) and of course is well hydrated, with more alcohol than you can imagine. But what do you expect from a school full of sailors. Unlike the sissies at the Naval Academy, we know how to drink and chase women of the night. We are given a whole year to do it on commericial ships. Located in Great Neck NY we proudly display our Nazi Flagpole, in a Jewish Community. Need I say anything else about an establishment that when you graduate you are given choices to actually make a ton of money, and not have to go active duty. Because why fight in the war, when you can profit off of it.
The United States Merchant Marine Academy, where dreams go to die

President of the United States 

The president of the United States is the leader of the USA, also known as Jaiden Knight, a 20 year old living his best life
Jay Money is the 48th president of the United States

Show her the 50 states 

A now famous line used in the movie
horrible bosses
It is used twice in the movie
in the credits, they put a spin on it, leaving the audience laughing once the movie is over
-I would like to bend her over that barrel and show her the 50 states-
*Where is that from?*
-A movie-
*No it isn't*
-It is now-

President of the United States of America 

The one job in existence which requires absolutely no skill. One of the greater dangers of living in the United States and to an extent, anywhere in the world is that anybody can be one. That's just the risk you take.