wet newspaper

Commonly translated from the Afrikaans use of "nat koerantpapier". Which refers to a person having many tattoos.

That person got hit by a wet newspaper.

by matfalddatson May 3, 2021

Reading the Newspaper

Reading the newspaper is the act of jacking off, beating the meat, choking the chicken, spanking the monkey, buffing the banana, wanking off, pocket pool, pleasure yourself, or just plain old masturbation.

Caitlyn: I don't read the newspaper not three, not four, but fifty-six times daily!

Taylor: Ohh girl, I got choo and I love using anime as an aid to reading the newspaper!

Monica: My mom reads the newspaper, every morning before breakfast..

by t0uchmiib0dy August 2, 2008

Floating Newspaper

A nickname or derogatory name for someone who goes around and tells everyone secrets or personal information you shared with them that was supposed to have been kept private.

Made in reference to the fact that anyone can pick up and read a floating newspaper on the street. Very common among high school age girls.

Person A: Hey, have you heard what Lacy has been telling people about you and Shon kissing behind the school?

Person B: Yeah, I know. I told her because I thought I could trust her, but she's a fucking floating newspaper!

by Marziba January 4, 2010

Popular newspaper

That’s me! I’m technically that!

Hym “I’m a popular newspaper and you quote me ALL THE TIME! You’re doing the thing you’re criticizing THEM for doing you idiot. It’s exactly the same! That’s what I’m talkin about when I say you’re all fucking nut jobs. Blind to your own hypocrisy. And no, you shouldn’t have control over anything. If the shoe was on the other foot, you would say ‘Well, you don’t have to go there!’ So bring your kids somewhere else. Fuck them kids. Or let them read creepy rape books I don’t give a shit. It’ll be good for them. It’ll toughen them up.”

by Hym Iam November 19, 2022

The newspaper boy

When you’re fucking your girl on Sunday so you have to throw the New York Times at her face because you are the fucking mailman. She dies on impact.

I was giving my girl the newspaper boy on Sunday

by 1pseudonym2 May 9, 2019

How old is your newspaper?

A substitution for ' You are sooo~ left out.", to tell someone that what they were saying was old news.

Henry: "Hey, I heard Mark is going out with Cathy. Is it real?"
Rick: "Dude. How old is your newspaper? That's 3 months ago. He's going out with his side chick Sabrina now."

by hugalahugalalolo777 March 6, 2016

Don't look at my newspaper!

A humorous expression used to ask someone not to invade one's personal space or pry into what they are currently viewing or reading, especially in public settings. Originating from an encounter where an individual defensively closed his newspaper on a train when others commented on its contents, the phrase playfully asserts one's desire for privacy without direct confrontation.

"Hey, stop trying to see my messages—don't look at my newspaper!"

by 2Bobs April 23, 2024