Do you have an irrational, yet somehow compelling grudge against all of
humanity, or even just some sections of it, like
France, for example? Perhaps you have a point to make, but writing letters just doesn't cut it, and a
big explosion would really help people to get the idea. If this is you, then see a doctor, you
mad fucker, the Capybara bomb might be just what you need.
The Capybara bomb is a surprisingly successful stealth
weapon composed of:
1. A capybara
2. Dynamite
The animal
Ah, the capybara, my old
friend how you lollop through life,
swimming in rivers and snuffling dung, all the while unaware that TERRORISTS! are seeking to use you in their nefarious plans. Never mind. Let's take a closer look at the furry little
dope.
The capybara (Hydrochoerus hydrochæris) is a
semi-aquatic herbivorous animal with a brain the size of a tangerine. Full-grown capybarae reach between 105 and 135 cm (40-55 in) in length. They are peaceful, fun-loving creatures that like dancing and poker. They look like giant guinea pigs.
Most importantly, however, the average capybara can safely hold up to 7 sticks of dynamite.
The dynamite
Any
old dynamite will do. Just wash it, shove it in and go.
Advantages
1. Absolutely no one expects that a capybara is going to explode.
2. They are very docile and tolerant animals, and especially so when dynamite is being inserted.
A capybara bomb can be used pretty much anywhere but they are especially useful for TERRORISTS! who
hate zoos. The range and damage capabilities of the device are limited to around 1 meter (3.2808399
feet). This is good for blowing up telephone boxes, small cars and litter bins.
Uses
If you want to blow up a really big
thing, then you'll need more than one capybara. A whole lorry
load of capybarae could probably bring down a Wal-Mart, but if you're stopped for any reason, it's going to be really
hard to come up with a sufficiently good reason as to why you are driving a consignment of 500 capybarae with dynamite up their asses, to the Wal-Mart.