Evangelical

Describes Christians who try to uphold the tenants of the Protestant Reformation, but without all that courage, conviction, and critical-thinking baggage that got their 16th and 17th century forefathers burned at the stake. Also known as "Evan-jelly-fish" due to apparent lack of brain and spine.

"Unless I am convinced by Scripture and by plain Reason, and not by Popes and Councils, who have so often contradicted themselves. My conscience is captive to the Word of God. To go against conscience is neither right nor safe. I cannot and I will not recant. Here I stand. I can do no other. God help me."
-Reformer Martin Luther in his trial at the Imperial Diet of Worms.

"You know what, the thing that breaks my heart is that there's no way I can answer it without hurting someone on either side."
-Famous Evangelical Pastor Brian McLaren, when asked about his position on homosexual marriage.

by Richard Ramsey November 7, 2006

Evan

usually into rock music, sometimes mistaken for gay. all evans have the same hair wavy and brown. sometimes reddish

Evan and Michelle hooked up, but people still call him gay.

Did you hear evan rocking out to Zeppelin?

by Jimbo12334 October 18, 2008

Evan

Will make you feel like you are the most special, beautiful, awesome girl in the world but will eventually break your heart. He can lie. He is shy. He will put everything in your hands. He will become suddenly unattracted to you and will soon go back to his ex. So watch out, because this sexy handsome devil will seduce you and you will fall hard. He has the most loving eyes, smile, and laugh. He has an awesome sense of humor and personality. Having many things in common with Evan will score points.

"I hate you, Evan"

"Why did you break my heart, Evan?"
"I think I'm falling in love with Evan!"

by cubbycakes October 21, 2012

Evan

just a little perverted. rides magical unicorns into the sunset, while flowers bloom underfoot and crazy asian techno music plays. wherever she goes the people around her are mindfucked past sanity. is bros with jesus allah yahweh and all those niggas in da sky. will one day rule the world....like hitler but successful and instead of killing jews everyone will simply lie down and take it like a loli takes it in the face from pedobear. you can all suck it. hard. TITTIES!

person 1: dude what just happened?
person 2: i have no idea but i feel amazing!
person 1: wait! look at the sunset man!
person 2: ITS AN EVAN ON A UNICORN!!!!!
person 1: we have been blessed.

jesus: yo evan wassup?
evan: not much homie wheres allah at mah nigga?
yahweh: wassup home skillet biscuits!?!?!
evan: YAHWEH! MY TITTYLICIOUS BITCH!! WHERE YOU BEEN!

hitler: yo satan how ya hangin
satan: you done fucked up broski.
hitler: NOOOOOO
satan: farewell im off to go play hopscotch with evan.

you: wtf am i reading?!?! THIS IS SO WRONG!!!
evan: i know...but it feels so right

by MR SANDE, naww just kidding... December 9, 2010

Evan Dahm

Author of Rice Boy comics. Resides in North Carolina

www.rice-boy.com

I wish I could draw like Evan Dahm

by blumixtape March 16, 2009

Evangelical

The Andromeda Strain of Christianity. Often called "conservative Christianity", when in reality it is a very modern radical version. Evangelicalism has no true theology, substituting apologetics for theology, and far more concerned with what will draw in people than in actual beliefs.

Evangelicals are often mistaken for Protestants, however the two groups a quite different. Protestantism is based on the idea that people can read and understand the Bible for themselves, without need of a mediator. In Evangelicalism, your minister is the final authority of what the Bible means.

Evangelicals gather to worship in thousands or tens of thousands in the belief that their minister is an intermediary to God, and that it is very important to get their religion directly from him.

The Evangelical's theology changed so fast that it was changed before the sermon was even finished.

by TheOmicron1 January 11, 2010

Evan Rachel Wood

An actress who is the best at acting how she has a sad and a complicated life, and how she's original. She literally became the next Dita von Teese by trying to dress like her at visiting Marilyn Manson's gallery. She met him when she was 19. Manson shouldn't pay attention to her, because she can also lie and is very spoiled and selfish. This actress cried at her testimony the way she did in the "Wake Me Up When September Ends" music video. In the early 2020, a few months after "Frozen 2" was released, she was racist about Kobe Bryant by calling him "a rapist" hours after his death on Twitter. That's the reason why she doesn't use it anymore. She also wore fake Hitler's moustaches and a Nazi hat, photographed by Leslee Lane in 2008.
And now, she teaches young gullible people (and teenagers) lessons about bisexuality, apologizing to others and about abusive feelings/relationships. People call her a true warrior and a victim, but she asks for her followers' help to "defend" Brian Warner (and another her "abuser").
Is this how a real victim of domestic abuse acts?

A: Hey!
B: What's up?
A: Can you please tell me once again the name of a woman similar to Amber Heard?
B: Oh, that's Evan Rachel Wood.

by your number November 22, 2021