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John

by DefinerOfWordsFondler November 22, 2023
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John Teacher

A bulky man who loves green, and talks about his cats nonstop. His main students are Claire and Sarah. Goes on his phone while he gives us 91876 assignments to do in 45 minutes.
"Complete the 91876 assignments in 45 minutes, or it becomes homework!" John Teacher screeched, in his raspy voice
by Milkis Official September 29, 2020
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john alford <3

literally the best bf a girl could ever ask for . he is so cute and is like a big baby when he around his gorgeous gf , bc how could he not his gf is literally sexy asf and is the epitome of goddess energy . but anyways john alford is the best thing that has ever happened to anyone bc he easily lights up the room with his unique personality and his bright adorable smile
random bih: ouu girl i need to get me a john alford <3 i heard they do it best
by Yuzu-kin November 20, 2023
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Ricky John

When someone jerks off inside of a Porta John in a desperate attempt to bust a nut after an unsuccessful attempt to take a girl home from the bar.
Bill: Hey Hank, what took you so long in the Porta John?

Hank: Oh I had to rub out a Ricky John real quick before I go home. I got blue balled bad tonight.
by giggitygoddamn69 January 23, 2023
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john

cop-lingo for a man who hires prostitutes
We saw him leaving the hotel room with that known prostitute. He's definitely a john.
by lala9978 May 23, 2024
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John Pork

John Pork was born into poverty, never knowing his mother. His father, a pig, died when John was only three, leaving him an orphan. As the offspring of a human and a pig, John was best described as a man-pig—akin to South Park's "man-bear-pig." After his father's death, John was sent to the Adoptuah "Adopt on that thang" Adoption Center, where he was adopted by G-Man, a key figure in the Skibidi Toilet Rebellion. G-Man was a celebrated pilot in the Toilet Force Air and flew the notorious "We Bring the Boom."

John's adopted mother, Hailey Welch, was an international star and the host of the popular podcast Talk Tuah. At 20, John was invited onto her show, sparking his rise to fame. His appearance led to a national phenomenon: John Pork calling people. After the podcast, John began dialing strangers' phones, causing panic and outrage. The unsolicited calls sparked protests, and the song "John Pork Is Calling", by artist dontcarewontcare, became a global hit.

However, John Pork's fame was fleeting. When the Skibidi Toilet Rebellion reignited, John was drafted. Eager to follow his father's legacy, he joined the Toilet Force Air, piloting the same plane his father had. His bravery earned him the codename "Hawk 2" and the Flickermunting Award for Upstanding Gooning.

Afterward, John met Joana Pork, his future wife, and settled in Georgia. He worked for a government contractor, built the Pork Family Compound, and fathered three children: Jimmy Ham, John Pork Jr., and Billy Bacon.
"Hey Adrian, you're getting a call!"
"Oh, it's from my good friend, John Pork!"

"Dude. Have you heard dontcarewontcares new single 'John Pork is calling...?' EVERYONE is listening to it!"
"Yeah, man! I saw Skibidi Chris listening to it earlier!"

"Haley Griner, what do you think of John Pork?"
"He's SO HOT!!"
by Pork's Historical Society November 25, 2024
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The Trucker John

Someone who is subpar at Madden and constantly loses too the big dawg.
Wow, I hope I never pull The Trucker John when we play together.
by iiNTenSiiFy March 13, 2024
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