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Jack-Off Machine

Computer/Tablet/Smart Phone, etc. anything that you can stream porn with.
During my morning whack-off my Jack-Off Machine lost its internet connection.
by Daddy (*)(*) December 25, 2011
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record machine

A large machine that plays records. Also something you can lean against when your feet are tired.
Can't you see me standing here? I got my back against the record machine
by Trelane March 9, 2008
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Rage Against The Machine

Popular rap metal band of the 1990s consisting of vocalist Zack de la Rocha, guitarist Tom Morello, bassist Tim Commeford, and drummer Brad Wilk. Broke up in 2001 and changed into Audioslave.
Known for their left-wing political views (and lyrics), and for instigating the nu-metal genre of the late 1990s. Unlike most modern nu-metal bands, however, they included many traditional heavy metal techniques such as guitar riffs and solos.
If you are an anarchist or are just angry with the system you live in, then Rage Against the Machine is the band for you.
by TheEye5000 September 17, 2004
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pitching machine

A chick who can shoot ping pong balls out of her pussy
Artie- I got a chick called 'The Pitching Machine'. You'll never in a million years guess why shes called that

John- She shoots ping pong balls out of her snatch?
by Gits Colacitti December 14, 2008
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Ukrainian Rage Machine

The act of engaging in intensive sexual intercourse with a Ukrainian man while he gyrates to techno music as a multi-colored disco ball fires off in the background. Traditionally large amounts of alcohol are considered a prerequisite to the Ukrainian Rage Machine.
I think Ivan headed home with that girl from the bar and is pulling a Ukrainian Rage Machine.
by Hersheykiss February 15, 2013
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Voight-Kampff machine

A very advanced form of lie detector that measures contractions of the iris and the presence of invisible airborne particles emitted from the body. The VK is used primarily by Blade Runners to determine if a suspect is truly human by measuring the degree of his empathic response through carefully worded questions and statements.
These are the questions used during the test to distinguish a human from a replicant (presumably, a human would become flustered at the thought of killing an animal, and a replicant wouldn't):

It’s your birthday. Someone gives you a calfskin wallet. How do you react?
You’ve got a little boy. He shows you his butterfly collection plus the killing jar. What do you do?
You’re watching television. Suddenly you realize there’s a wasp crawling on your arm.
You’re in a desert walking along in the sand when all of the sudden you look down, and you see a tortoise, crawling toward you. You reach down, you flip the tortoise over on its back. The tortoise lays on its back, its belly baking in the hot sun, beating its legs trying to turn itself over, but it can’t, not without your help. But you’re not helping. Why is that?
Describe in single words, only the good things that come into your mind. About your mother.

See: Turing Test, Replicant.
"The Voight-Kampff test proved conclusively that he was a replicant."
by Renee February 25, 2004
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XD machine

Someone in a conversation who responds only with XD. Gets very annoying sometimes.
Similar to LOL machine and XD Boy. "XD Bot" might also be a good term for this thing.
Dude: I just fell into mud.!
XD machine: XD
Dude: hey, that's not funny!
XD machine: XD
Dude: Fuck you!
XD machine: XD
Dude: oh, that's that XD machine... screw that.
XD machine: XD
by ...:::HTMLCODER.exe:::... September 27, 2008
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