A person who knows the sound of a coffee maker quite well, though never brews a pot. As soon as a coffee vulture hears the sweet sound of morning ecstasy brewing they immediately drop whatever unimportant task is being poorly done to find the source. Once located, a coffee vulture will then spectate, possibly drooling down its shirt. Whilst waiting awkwardly in a doorway or some other location that obstructs the flow of traffic, a vulture never lets its beady eyes leave the objective. Silently waiting either because watching is as much as its little brain can handle or because it has been labeled a fucking idiot and no one fucking gives a shit what this piece of shit has to say anyways. Upon the coffee maker's completion of its task the vulture waddles over and pours a cup before anyone else. The vulture is first not due to speed, but rather the overall repugnant nature of such a 'person', once the vulture's destination is known that area is then vacated and avoided until it has left. Upon filling its cup the vulture then returns to whatever meaningless task it was doing, periodically returning for more coffee until dry. After which this piece of shit might say, "Looks like we're out of coffee." in hopes that someone more useful than they may make another pot it can wait on.
"Is the coffee done yet?"
"No, the coffee vulture is still in there."
"Damn, I guess I'll just wait."
"No, the coffee vulture is still in there."
"Damn, I guess I'll just wait."
by Sexy Al Capone August 19, 2014
Get the Coffee Vulture mug.When even the simplest task is impossible to perform before drinking coffee.
From Socrates theory that sometimes making coffee is too complex to tackle before drinking coffee.
From Socrates theory that sometimes making coffee is too complex to tackle before drinking coffee.
That giant mess on the counter occurred because of coffee paradox. I put the grounds in, I put the water in, and I turned it on. But I forgot to put the pot under that water drippy thingy so now I'm sucking the coffee out of this towel until I get enough coffee in me to do it correctly.
by barkinspider December 6, 2013
Get the coffee paradox mug.Coffee Hangover is a stage of disorientation after a long day functioning on coffee when the effect wears off. This usually happens similar to a crash except at it's worst, usually on a long day of getting up early with minimal sleep. The coffee hangover consists of several stages.
1. Slight Irritation. You may become slightly annoyed or bothered. You probably are starting to lose some energy at this point.
2. Loss of Patience. You've lost patience with most things at this point. You just don't care by now and you can't stand being around people.
3. Mood Swing. You may become emotional, sad, or angry depending on your condition.
4. Disorder. By now you can't even walk straight and your words and thoughts don't make sense. You shouldn't attempt to communicate with another human being at this point.
5. Shutdown. At this point you have no energy left and you'll have to lay down. Don't even bother trying to sit up. You may pass out. Nothing but sleep, Acoma, or hibernation can fix this by now
1. Slight Irritation. You may become slightly annoyed or bothered. You probably are starting to lose some energy at this point.
2. Loss of Patience. You've lost patience with most things at this point. You just don't care by now and you can't stand being around people.
3. Mood Swing. You may become emotional, sad, or angry depending on your condition.
4. Disorder. By now you can't even walk straight and your words and thoughts don't make sense. You shouldn't attempt to communicate with another human being at this point.
5. Shutdown. At this point you have no energy left and you'll have to lay down. Don't even bother trying to sit up. You may pass out. Nothing but sleep, Acoma, or hibernation can fix this by now
by Anti-hater skater June 8, 2015
Get the Coffee Hangover mug.by CurtisLumber September 2, 2015
Get the company coffee mug.A white person that owns a coffee beanery, where coffee is brewed. Americans or people who love drinking coffee, a person who drinks way too much coffee. Americans who love coffee or Starbucks.
I love coffee, I'm a coffee crack. I drink it every day.
Uncle Craig owns a coffee beanery, yup he's a coffee beaner, just kidding.
Americans can't get enough coffee, I guess we're a coffee beaner nation.
Stop drinking so much coffee you coffee beaner.
Uncle Craig owns a coffee beanery, yup he's a coffee beaner, just kidding.
Americans can't get enough coffee, I guess we're a coffee beaner nation.
Stop drinking so much coffee you coffee beaner.
by Equal crack October 2, 2016
Get the Coffee crack mug.When you urinate on your feces making a pungent warm liquid, usually filtered through sweaty undergarments.
by Rod Pretzel December 20, 2016
Get the homeless coffee mug.by Grittyjustin92 November 24, 2018
Get the bulletproof coffee mug.