Creepy Jesus

The demon of Jesus who lurks in your hallways at night 😈

“CREEPY JESUS IS GONNA GET ME”

by JesusLover2028 August 29, 2022

Jesus

An absolute gigachad. He will love you, even if you've sinned. If he lived longer and had a child he'd be the best father no cap. He loves you no matter what you are, whether it be gay, woman, man, child, etc,. He is a forgiving man and sacrificed his own life so people could go to Heaven even if they've sinned in their life. Literally amazing. An absolute gigachad. Even if you hate this man, he will still love you, but it's still a good option to love him if you were or are a Christian.

Bro got crucified and still forgave people, unlike Twitter or YouTube users who won't forgive someone because they dislike a certain show.

#StanGodandJesus

Person 1: I hate myself. No one will ever love me, and I am pathetic. Why can't I just die?

Jesus: But I love you and I always will.

Person 1: I love you.

by HAHAHAHHAHAHAHHA September 8, 2022

Amish Jesus

Amish Jesus is Jesus with a horse drawn carriage and a funny top hat.

Kanye W: Bro that mf look like Amish Jesus the way he got the beard and hat.

by Lil Hemmorrhoid September 17, 2022

Amish Jesus

Jesus, but with no technology, and a horse drawn carriage and funny hat.

Kanye W: that mf lookin like Amish Jesus with his goofy ahh hat n shi

by Lil Hemmorrhoid September 17, 2022

Jesus pussy

Used in any context

Mainly used to express feelings or emotions

Jesus pussy, that girl has a phat ass!

by Brenny111 September 19, 2022

Jesus

bitch magent.

i am a jesus

by THE GOD OF DICTIONS September 23, 2022

Jesus

A fictional character who is the figure head of the Christian faith. One of 4,200 religions here on planet earth. There is absolutely no historical evidence at all that he ever existed. None. Jesus didn't die on a cross as it is physically impossible to nail a human to a crucifix and that human defeat gravity. Jesus was not born without his father impregnating his mother, that is completely impossible and goes against anything science and medicine tells the human race today. Jesus and his cultists do not believe in science or medicine. Logic and common sense are also viewed as an attack on "faith" which allows his followers, especially here in the States of America, to cry and bitch about ANYONE who disagrees with their infantile bullshit. Jesus was invented so that Christians could control other humans, especially women. This is also a common thread in almost all religions which not only degrade women, it allows wars to be fought in his name killing millions of non combatants and blaming other religions for being somehow wrong. Catholics use Jesus to rape and sexually assault under age boys by the tens of thousands while their supposed conduit to "heaven" turns a blind eye to the cancer. They would rather murder women for getting an abortion than stop all of the pedophiles infesting their church. Jesus is also a grift for churches here in the States of America.

Soldier 1: Oh man, that was a close one! That almost hit me!

Soldier 2: Jesus fucking christ that was close!

Some zealot: Do you have Jesus in your heart?

Poor bastard: No it's blood. Who the fuck is Jesus?!

Joel Osteen: Jesus has a plan for you!
My asshole: Joel, go fuck yourself you goddamn Jesus grifter!!

by Asymmetric shits for trump September 28, 2022