Petting a Unicorn

Masturbating. The act of touching oneself to produce a favorable feeling in the groin area. Usually accompanied by some sort of mental, visual, or audio stimulation to assist in reaching climax.

I could not sleep last night so ended up Petting a Unicorn.

by Baba Bizzle June 24, 2017

Teacher's Pet

A total loser who noone likes and everyone makes fun of behind their back because they suck up to a teacher, usually laughing at ALL of their bad jokes and commonly ask, "Is there anything I can do to help?", etc.

Ms. Shilderez: (Bad joke)
Anna: Hahahaha, you're so funny!
Sane person: She is SUCH a teacher's pet!
Other sane person: I know, right?!

by nilmerghet February 15, 2019

house pet

A significant other who is mostly ornamental. Someone who you are in a superficial relationship with, usually a ditz kept around mostly for sexual gratification.

Her and I aren't exactly discussing philosophy, she's more of a house pet.

by Chris Hubick July 16, 2008

Car-pet

The name for all of those dirty little footprints left on your car's windshield by wayward cats which are using your vehicle as a place to hang out.

"Hey, I just washed my car yesterday and now its covered with car-pets again! Those stray cats are driving me crazy!!

by Wordielicious November 30, 2010

petting zoo

A strip club that lets you touch the strippers

-yo man, how was that new strip club you went to last night?
-dude, I couldn't even touch the girl I dropped $500 on. Next time I'm gonna make sure it's a petting zoo before I go!

by CSCC September 11, 2012

Chia Pet

The large ball of hair you pull out of the shower drain after a couple days.

Wife: Honey, the drain is clogged again!
Hudband: Damnit, that's because you clogged it with your chia pet again.

by MyxLastxRitesx March 30, 2010

Petting the Dog

Gently stroking of your own genitals as foreplay to masturbation or because you can not, for whatever reason, masturbate at the time and still desire an erection

"I was with Dick and he just started petting the dog."

"I wish Samantha would pet my dog, I've got a great dane."

by Garry Larson November 12, 2011