Jesus rail

n.

The passenger hand rail above the car window. Used by people who can't drive, those who prefer to be in control, or frightened mothers.

(in car, Driver accelerates)

Passenger: Jesus! (holding onto car hand rail for dear life)
Driver: You don't have to hold onto the Jesus rail, I'm doing the speed limit!

Passenger: (holding onto car hand rail, eyes closed)
Driver: Stop holding the Jesus rail, I'm not trying to kill you!

etc.

by SilverGirl78 April 8, 2011

Jesus in a lightbulb

The thing that appears above your head when you think to yourself, either silently or out loud, "WWJD?"

When you suddenly have a thought of remorse or guilt, the moment the lighbulb appears above your head, (only this time with a vision of Jesus in it with his hands held out and that puppy-dog look in his eyes...) that makes you stop and rethink your actions and the repercussions of those actions.

Dude: "Hmmm... I probably shouldn't have pocketed that $20 that just fell outta that lil' ol' lady's purse...."

(Result: Jesus appears in a lightbulb above wrong-doer's head).

by munchkin'smom July 24, 2011

jesus goggles

If you say that someone is wearing Jesus goggles, you mean that that person has been so on fire for God that they think someone is more sexually attractive because they too have the same level of passion for Jesus instilled in their heart:

"How did you manage to get such a beautiful girlfriend when you look how you do?"
"Brah pls- Jesus is my wingman"

""Why is she dating him, he ain't fly"
"Ahh man homie, she must have her jesus goggles on tiggggghhhtttt"
"Ahmen to that"
"Mmmmhmmm"

by uj6tyjhvj March 29, 2015

jesus seam

The Jesus seam is the vertical hemispherical ridge across a man's testicles implying this is where God welded or stitched him together.

I got kicked right in the balls so hard I thought I split my Jesus seam.

by Sicrowell May 19, 2016

Jesus Jinx January

Little know the legend of JESUS JINX! When Jesus was bron, he said JINX BIATCH so loud that the whole planet shaked like a boner. This is why Ravens are black as a black dick. IN order to not become like a black dick you have to say JESUS JINX BIATCH every silent moment of January (like when you sleep or are at school)

Hey man, you know you should never say?
What dude?
JESUS JINX BIATCH!
(This is why little Jonesy got detention and killed himself)
This is why you HAVE to say JESUS JINX BIATCH even in school or in a funeral!
Jesus jinx January kids!

by Jesus( The one who said JINX) November 30, 2018

Jesus Health Bar

The health bar that appeared in the sky on January 1st, 2020, labeled “Jesus.”

“Holy shoot, we have to fight Jesus‽”
“Holy shoot is right.”
“Shut the frick up. I need to fully process the Jesus Health Bar situation.”

by Mr. Twinkieface January 1, 2021

jesus fetish

1. a simp for Jesus, very Catholic maybe too much. Probably very overbearing to talk to.

2. If you have such a fetish, why and please consider seeing a psychiatrist, you sick fuck.

Son: Father, I think I've developed a fetish for our only Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

Father: It's great to hear that you have faith in God no-, Wait what?

Son: A Jesus fetish, Father!

Father: What the fuck is wrong with you? Get the fuck out of my house, you're not my son anymore I'm disowning you.

by Kazariiiiiiiiiiii-chan July 2, 2022