The Jared Allen

Hog tie a girl and put her at the end of a slippery hallway. With an erect penis, run towards her and slide in on your knees so that your dick is jammed into her vagina.
Pablo: "What happened to you?"
Santiago: "I tried The Jared Allen on my girlfriend and missed...."
by TheInvertedNipples September 10, 2011
Get the The Jared Allen mug.

Jared Followill

Beyond sexy bassist for Kings of Leon. Spends most of his time on tour or in his swimming trunks. Currently achieves his gravity defying hair through the use of "angel tears and the salvia of a unicorn". Has an oddly arousing high pitched laugh, and uses the word 'totally' every chance he gets.
Jared Followill makes your seat vibrate.
by Millie Followhore March 30, 2011
Get the Jared Followill mug.

Jared Leto

An awesome actor and musician who is extremely hot...especially in "Requiem for a Dream." That movie is unbelievable...it really spoke to me. Not to mention he is an actor who isn't afraid to be sensitive and cry. There are practically no actors these days who can cry on the screen...but he can. He's hot.
Did you see Jared Leto in Requiem for a Dream? He was so cute! What a hottie.
by memm May 26, 2006
Get the Jared Leto mug.

Jared's Law

The fact that a woman's response rate is purely arbitrary and the very fact that she chooses to respond is better than her responding quick or late.
Person 1: Yo Felicia ain't responding to my messages bro
Person 2: Relax man, she'll get back to you
(after 5 hours)
Person 1: Yo she got back to me man!
Person 2: Jared's Law always holds
by theincrediblesmith November 13, 2019
Get the Jared's Law mug.

Jared Dab

The smallest amount of wax that can be servered.
hey you wanna dab?

Don't give me a fat dab , I really don't like dabbing.

I'll give you a jared dab.
by Dab it dabbers April 04, 2017
Get the Jared Dab mug.

go to Jared

a phrase indicative of female beauty, as put into the public consciousness by the famous "He went to Jared" commercials.
Gawdam...I would sooooo go to Jared for her
by ColonelColonel November 21, 2010
Get the go to Jared mug.

Pull a Jared

When you try to give someone your 6 inch in the creepiest way possible.
You can pull a Jared by creepily asking for the mayonnaise to be slowly spread over your 6 inch. If wearing glasses, intensely stare over the frame at the "sandwich artist".
by joemammy September 03, 2016
Get the Pull a Jared mug.