by SmallLebowski February 15, 2009
by A girl that simps for 2d men October 15, 2020
Jesus of Nazareth; the Son of Mary source of the Christian religion & Savior in the Christian faith; believed to be miraculously conceived by his Mother; received as great teacher by disciples and common people; preached redeeming love of God for every person; suspected of revolutionary aims as Messiah; seized by Romans but turned over to and crucified by Jewish authorities; believed by followers to have been miraculously resurrected; proclaimed by disciples and believers as Messiah and savior of all.
Jesus is nice.
I love Jesus, he is my friend.
Jesus saves, at walmart.
I found Jesus, he was hiding behind the sofa.
I love Jesus, he is my friend.
Jesus saves, at walmart.
I found Jesus, he was hiding behind the sofa.
by Adamari May 09, 2005
by Johnny James June 10, 2007
A philosopher who was murdered by the Jewish heirarchy (Pharisees) for telling people to not be mean to each other. 500 years later and into the present, his fan club slandered his message and proceeded to hate women, gays, liberals, muslims, atheists, Jews, Wiccans, blacks, sexual explorers, etc.
Now anything that alludes to him is a warning sign for fascism, misogyny, misanthopy, and/or ignorance.
See Jesus Camp, Pat Robertson, Jerry Falwell, James Dobson, the Republican Party
Now anything that alludes to him is a warning sign for fascism, misogyny, misanthopy, and/or ignorance.
See Jesus Camp, Pat Robertson, Jerry Falwell, James Dobson, the Republican Party
by M1SaNtHrOpE May 18, 2007
A bastard carpenter who was constantly followed by a group of stoners convinced that he was the son of god. He was born the son of a prostitute (stage name: 'The Virgin Mary') and one of a trio of kings who were present at his birth (the impregnation a result of a failed condom during an orgy involving said trio and prostitute) offering child support in the form of gifts so as not to arouse the suspicion of the husband (he was not aware of his wife's 'other' occupation).
Jesus (pronounced "ho-zay" but interpreted as "Jee-zus" because the bloody English can't do anything right) would take up carpentry as his trade years later after an incident where he was lost in a dessert for a great many years and failed to pass in his admission essay for law-school by the due date. It was at this time that the druggies appeared into his life, lazily hanging out in the alley next to Jesus' workshop. The exact reason for being dubbed the son of god is still debated by scholars but it is rumored that it had something to do with a neck injury Jesus had sustained, resulting in his wearing of a halo neck brace for a month or so.
In approximately 35 AD (Time Paradox?), Jesus was convicted of being a cannibal and vampire after a dinner party at which he supposedly served blood-wine and people-bread. He was crucified and stabbed with a spear (overkill) by a group of hateful Jews.
He was resurrected, however, by by a combination of necromancy and T-virusmancy as a zombie. A great many people died by his hands and he went uncontested for many years (he is credited with the Black Death) until a group of religious fanatics lead by L. DaVinci captured and deported him to Mexico. There he lives today, running rampant and sating his bloodlust by killing goats under the alias 'El Chupacabra'.
Jesus (pronounced "ho-zay" but interpreted as "Jee-zus" because the bloody English can't do anything right) would take up carpentry as his trade years later after an incident where he was lost in a dessert for a great many years and failed to pass in his admission essay for law-school by the due date. It was at this time that the druggies appeared into his life, lazily hanging out in the alley next to Jesus' workshop. The exact reason for being dubbed the son of god is still debated by scholars but it is rumored that it had something to do with a neck injury Jesus had sustained, resulting in his wearing of a halo neck brace for a month or so.
In approximately 35 AD (Time Paradox?), Jesus was convicted of being a cannibal and vampire after a dinner party at which he supposedly served blood-wine and people-bread. He was crucified and stabbed with a spear (overkill) by a group of hateful Jews.
He was resurrected, however, by by a combination of necromancy and T-virusmancy as a zombie. A great many people died by his hands and he went uncontested for many years (he is credited with the Black Death) until a group of religious fanatics lead by L. DaVinci captured and deported him to Mexico. There he lives today, running rampant and sating his bloodlust by killing goats under the alias 'El Chupacabra'.
by Anony-nony-nony-mous November 06, 2007
by Kalab January 21, 2008