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Verizon

an archaic company that trades in cable internet and phone service. they force you to stay with them for two years and for what? their packages and prices were reasonable by 2002 standards but now as they are being surpassed by every other company they just start derping while the competition leaves them in the dust.

their cable package has no local news and everything is extra. their dvr service is shoddy and expensive. their phone service is a different amount every month and leaves you to guesstimate how much you want to use your phone.
the service plans are also laughable. they even charge for toll free calls. that being said, they do have excellent coverage, but living on the east coast (or anywhere but the rockies) I can get service just as good with a sprint based network. also in canada and europe their service is piss poor.
1. bill: I just got fios at my house! lets watch hbo.
later: WTF? I have to buy all the good stuff a la carte what a rip off
2. mike: aaah now to watch the ren and stimpy episode I recorded on my dvr last night.
what the hell? my dvr stopped working again? that's the third time this week
3. ted: now to see how that labor strike played out.
where's my local news? oh that's right I switched to verizon. now all I get is national news that doesn't cover my home state at all.
4. verizon derpshit: Duuuh look I got me a verizon phone, all I had to do was agree to their outrageous prices for two years, Now I gets to buy as many minutes as I want every month and I gets two whole gigabytes of data. that's a lot. I can also call any ten people I want without using minutes.
me: wow two whole gigabytes, that will get you about twenty minutes on youtube. have fun sophies choiceing your friends
verizon derpshit: but I gets service anywhere in the US
Me: we live on the east coast, where dropped calls went out like the dodo bird.
5.random guy: I was on a conference call for work and now I get stuck with a $150 dollar overage? they assured me it was toll free.
customer service drone: (with trollface on) sorry, but we charge for toll free calls. (this actually happened to me)

Verizon blows. anyone else will give you better cell service. since leaving, I can call anyone without using minutes, and get a consistent bill every month. coverage is never a problem.
by master of fire December 6, 2011
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Not Verizon

After the great telecom merger of 2005/2006, to combat the voice over ip menace brought forth by the cable companies, one company made up of parts from Southwestern Bell, Bell South, and AT&T emerged controlling 85% of all telephone lines in the USA. This leaves only 2 telephone companies in america, Verizon, and NOT Verizon. The name was chosen for simplicity sake, as now everybody knows what company your talking about.
I just upgraded my DSL package.
Oh? Whos your provider.
South western.... no they changed their name to AT&T... and bought Bell... I forget?
Oh, you mean NOT Verizon. Ya i saw that package, looks good.
by Ratbait August 30, 2008
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Verizon Time

The universal time that is set on verizon cell phones
Bob-"hey what time is it"
Jeff-"It's 5:45"
Mike-"Well I have 5:47"
Jeff-"I'm on Verizon time"
by Michael Paul February 17, 2008
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Verizoned

Verb: To get taken to the cleaners, shafted or otherwise screwed over by a megacorp or government entity
Comcast Verizoned me so so hard this month. WTF is a "broadcast fee"!?! And $15 extra for HD?? What a crock.
by MrWiggly31 November 17, 2016
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The Verizon Sanchez

A combination of wide shitty coverage and a Dirty Sanchez. Unlike his midget cousin (The Dirty Valdez, aka Big Oil Shit Mustache), The Verizon Sanchez more resembles a big oil shit BEARD, and normally occurs in the Gulf of Mexico.
In the spring of 2010 British Petroleum gave The United States The Verizon Sanchez because they kept making fun of England for still having a queen.
by pubesforpetrolem June 16, 2010
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verizon wireless

a company where white people get fired for making the same jokes that other types of people make and where girls can be sexually harassed and told to suck it up until their harassers leave their location. Also a place where employees look through your phone and take private pictures and content from your phone and share it with their friends..
verizon wireless:bullshit company to be enslaved too.
by mr. smith x March 4, 2008
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verizon

When u blow a load in a girls ear and then ask..... can u hear me now?
I gave that bitch a verizon
by Gianetto is queer August 15, 2004
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