Watering My Monkey

An excuse to tell your friend when you aren't really busy, but don't actually want to spend time with them either.

"Hey Elizabeth, can you hang out tonight" "No, sorry, I'm watering my monkey tonight"

by thndrchunky December 1, 2016

Juicing my Monkey

When you skip your weekly cohort by telling your boss you are doing this.

Boss: Hey guys, we have our weekly 5pm cohort on Monday.

Kel: Sorry boss, I’ll be juicing my monkey at that time.

by MonkeyJuicer67 March 4, 2026

just give me my monkey

A parody of "just give me my money!"

Person1:Just give me my monkey!
Person 2:Wheyyy!

by plato! November 7, 2024

smack my church monkey

The process of destroying a persons day or life, or it can literally be taken as "smacking a monkey that is employed by the Magisterium." Thirdly it can be taken as direct interjection of religion into a persons life.

Origins: the 2007 theatrical version of The Golden Compass, Where Nicole Kiddman lays the smackdown on a poor defenseless primate.

"Why are you always trying to smack my church monkey?"
"I shouldn't have done that, it feels like I just got smacked by a church monkey."

by JaKeJa January 3, 2008

my wet monkey

Wet = slippery, juicy
Monkey = love box, pussy, pleasure place
So....My Wet Monkey is My slippery, juicy love box
Also an adult website I think

My Wet Monkey is a juicy, loving sexual pleasure box.

by Marli2 November 17, 2009

That’s my little monkey

A thing single moms say before showing someone who didn’t ask a picture of their child.

*waiting for meeting to start*
Fat Chick: That’s my little monkey *shows phone to co-worker*
Co-Worker: …

by TheAlwaysCorrect1 January 6, 2023

get this monkey off my back

to break a bad habit, especially about taking drugs

I go through about 30 cigarettes every day! I have to get this monkey off my back! Otherwise, I will ruin my health completely

by devilmaycareq18 February 29, 2016