1. A large retail chain that has swallowed up and crushed every other video game store on the planet, thanks to their cutthroat business tactics and biased marketing deals with game developers.
2. A pawn shop that specifically caters to ripping off unsuspecting
children.
3. A place of supposed business hiring idiotic fanboys too stupid to realize that they won't make enough
money to buy the games they
love so much due to getting no hours on the schedule for lack of upselling magazine subscriptions like a drooling girl scout.
4. A
special section reserved in the fourth layer of hell where your wallet and sanity aren't the only things raped.
5. A place where fangirls
flex their knowledge in hopes of wooing unshowered, overweight nerds, only to
reject their advances, because no one outside of Gamestop or the MMOs they play
will give them a second look.
6. A business where the average transaction takes over
25 minutes to complete because the clerks hold your purchase hostage until they recite a novel's worth of asinine bullshit concerning pre-ordering of a title due to the district manager's bonus that's tied in.
7. A decaying, outdated, archaic business model that
will choke as soon as the next generation of consoles that don't play used games launch.
8. A store where the district managers have never worked a retail gig, let alone played an actual video game,
grind employee souls into the epoxy used to create the fee-ridden Comdata pay cards.
Clerk: Howdy, boss, welcome to Gamestop!
You: I'd like to purchase this game.
Clerk: That won't happen until you reserve nine games and buy this magazine which gives you $0.02 savings on every purchase.
You: No thanks, just the one game.
Clerk: Are you sure? My overlords are watching me right now, and they're going to sacrifice a
human baby and drink its blood in the name of Mammon if I don't get 47 reserves and 23 subscriptions today...
You: I'm going to Wal Mart, Target, Frys, or Best Buy where they don't nickel and
dime me for stupid shit, have
whatever I want in stock whether I pre-order it or not, including special editions that you
short-sell to doctor supply and demand, and I'm pissing on this broken demo Wii stand on my way out in hopes of giving the next
child that tries to play it AIDS so he'll die before you get any more of his allowance.
