would that it were

The expression implies a wishful or idealized alternative to an undesired reality. The phrase was coined by Robert Robinson, an English radio and television presenter, journalist and author.

{I} would that it were {so} = {I} wish it were {so}

"I hope, that's be the end of all our troubles."
"Would that it were, would that it were."

by pho3nix January 13, 2016

i would rather eat my own toe

A very good phrase to use when you dont want to do something

Person one: Hey will you go out with me?

Person two: Ummm well to be quite honest with you i would rather eat my own toe!

by Tom Griffiths February 24, 2008

wouldn't've

A compound contraction for "would not have". Also see couldn't've and shouldn't've.

I was going to explain the whole thing to him, but he wouldn't've understood.

by Sunob September 6, 2007

would you like dessert

the annoying question that the waiter/waitress asks you after your meal at a restaurant, when they actually imply: "would you like your check" because they are afraid to ask "would you like your check"

waiter: would you like dessert now?

customer: NO just give me my goddamn check and stop pretending that i don't know what you mean

by jzzombie August 1, 2010

you would never guess what happened

How every black person starts out a story. It may be a lie, so watch out if you hear this shit.

"Hey Tony, why you look all tore up and shit?"

"Damn man, you would never guess what happened..."

by jaydub8907 January 7, 2008

and if my Aunitie had nuts she would be my Uncle

A circumstance or event which is clearly never ever going to happen

yes I am sure you are correct about ....and if my Aunitie had nuts she would be my Uncle

by Wiseboy March 21, 2008

I wouldn't lick a grapefruit

An expression used when pointing out something interesting noticed.

Well, I wouldn't lick a grapefruit, but his forehead is pretty massive.

by Ajurfhas November 27, 2005