Squidward Wins

A brutal deconstruction fanfiction where Squidward Tentacles finally gets the amazing life that he's always dreamed of by getting sweet revenge on the people who make every day of his life a living hell.

"Squidward Wins" is a favorite of many Squidward fans.

by Ubeenbamboozledson November 23, 2021

Squidward

Someone who doesn't take their job seriously and has a consistently negative attitude. A Squidward just wants to go home and is contemptuous of anything that may delay that for even a second, or force him to do any work beyond the barest of bare minimums.

The assistant manager at Domino's was kind of a Squidward, but at least he let us take plenty of smoke breaks.

by Sadie Enward August 8, 2025

Handsome Squidward

Repeatedly slamming your girls head into a door till there’s a hole in her face big enough to fuck and then when your done you take a picture and post it online to see how handsome they are.

“Bro my girl pissed me off so I gave her a handsome squidward.”
“Show me the pics dude”

by Forbe August 6, 2024

Smexy Squidward

The most elegant sea babe in the universe. If anyone were to have such luck to see this mystical being they would have eternal life and nothing bad would ever happen to them. They would get all the wealth they wanted and everyone would love them. Nobody has ever been so lucky to have seen this shining creature besides the all-powerful bruh frog and Bob Ross. Smexy Squidward is too powerful for eyes and if you look at him without protection you may die from shock for you cannot believe that there's something so beautiful and divine. It is impossible to find a creature more beautiful because no such thing exists. And if you are ever to question his powerfulness, beauty or smexiness you will be cursed with the worst possible punishment.

Everyone: "Smexy Squidward is the hottest creature in the universe!"
Criminal: "No he isn't I am!"
Judge: " This criminal has done the worst crime possible and shall be put to death this evening! If anyone wants to agree with them they shall also be punished the same way!"

by Sloth Bruh December 8, 2020

Squidward

The most miserable person on the show SpongeBob SquarePants. He is an octopus with a BIG NOSE, Lives in a tiki or a moai 🗿. He plays a clarinet (pretty bad), loves to paint art and works as a cashier at the famous restaurant in the bikini bottom “the Krusty Krab”

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Squidward
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by EMD F59PHI January 11, 2025

Angry Squidward

When you're performing oral sex on a male- and you bite down on the shaft, punch the recipient in the testicles, and insert a clarinet into their anus

"my date with Joanie ended in disaster. I thought everything was going great until we went back to my place and she gave me the Angry Squidward. I had to go to the hospital to get the clarinet removed"

by Clit commander. December 12, 2024

Squidwards Suicide

A lost episode of SpongeBob where Squidward dies. The episode starts with Squidward practicing the clarinet. Then SpongeBob and Patrick are playing outside and Squidward tells them to stop. Then he practices again but it's a choking noise instead of a clarinet being played. The next shot is Squidward at the concert. He plays the clarinet badly and the crowd is booing with hyper blood realistic eyes. The next scene is Squidward in a black background but Squidward is crying, then cry's blood, then shows the blood eyes from before. The next scene is Squidward in his bed with a gun. He shoots himself and DIES....

Guy 1: Have you seen Squidwards Suicide?
Guy 2: yes and it scarred me for life.

by amoguslove42069 March 19, 2023