Matt's First Law

Your car will be only be involved in an accident totaling it when all the following conditions are met:
1. You have a full tank a gas
2. You have recently had an oil change
3. You have 4 new tires

Some middle-age woman plowed into your car and totaled it. Matt's First Law applies.

by Matty M. G. January 11, 2011

The Law Of Maximum Misery

States that one should always be aware of their surroundings in order to prepare for the worst.

Billy is very careful and is driving a car. Therefore he suspects that a car filled with very noisy (and apparently drunk) teenagers would get into a wreck. So Billy turns unto a different street in order to avoid any other complications. So he is abiding to the rules of The Law Of Maximum Misery.

by Koachilion March 18, 2007

Turd Law of Relativity

The apparent difference in the rate of time perceived by someone taking a dump compared to the rest of the world. (For every minute you think you've been sitting on the toilet, 80-100 seconds have actually gone by.) The Turd Law rarely holds up to empirical measurement, and is therefore considered by the scientific community to be a big load of crap.

Boss: "If you weren't in there droppin' a deuce for so long you might be done your work by now."
Me: "I was in there for five minutes. Six tops."
Boss: "More like 15 or 20…"
Me: "Well I'll be damned. I just proved the Turd Law of Relativity."

by JohnnyApocalypse October 23, 2013

double-brother-in-law

Sister’s husband and spouse’s brother at the same time.

My double-brother-in-law is a good person.

by Rwopazaq November 24, 2019

great-uncle-in-law

1. The husband of one's grandparent's sister.
2. The brother of one's grandparent-in-law.

My great-uncle-in-law is a good person.

by Elivaldeq November 24, 2019

Crawford’s 1st law

Crawford’s 1st law: A man should never date a woman who wears larger panties than he does.

Dan, you can’t date that girl because her panties are XL, yours are only M. That is Crawford’s 1st law.

by Dan 4250 March 27, 2019

Garland’s Law of Toilets

(1) In a bathroom, the least used and cleanest toilet will be the one that the eye travels to last.

(2) The cleanest toilet will never be the stall closest to the door, nor the one furthest from it, unless it is a stall handicap.

(3) The higher in elevation, the cleaner and less used the toilet.

“Bro, I can’t find a clean bathroom on campus...”

“Dude, just follow Garland’s Law of Toilets, the cleanest one is the third stall in the fourth floor library bathroom.”

by Dr. Toilet, Ph.D March 3, 2020