Docking in the Woods

When two guys with the same have a good time away from their girlfriends, fiances, or wives.

Sorry, Johnson and I are going to be docking in the woods, wish we could make it.

by phil endicott May 23, 2020

lexi wood

a girl with a mono brow and an ugly face. big tits and small ass. also has a very hot mum

person 1: who’s that ugly face girl with the big knockers?
person 2: probably lexi wood

by XXBUBBAGONRUNYAOVER69XD July 23, 2022

Drive into the woods

A euphemism for suicide

“Done with this shit man, I’m about to drive into the woods”

by Good b0ye January 21, 2022

pulp-wood

An extremely large turd..

whew man..i just took a dump ..it was a stick of pulp-wood..

by kobalt October 30, 2009

Hood Wood

A man that likes having multiple baby mommas that is from the hood.

“Dude, your such a Hood Wood.”

by SkurtSkurtbish June 5, 2023

Wood

Yeah, this is going to be dope. I might do like a Samson one next.

*WHCH!*

Jesus "Ow."

*WHCH!*

Jesus "Ow. "

Guard "Alright now... Carry the wood."

Jesus "Okie dokie. OOF! That feels WAY heavier than I thought it would! It's weird being on the other side of it...."

Guard "Go!"

Jesus "Yeah, no I didn't make these meat Gundams very well..."

*Crowd clamoring in the background*

Father 😨 "What in the fuck is happening right now...?"

Crowd "Kill Jesus! Meh!"

Father "You KNOW he didn't do anything!"

Jesus "Ope... Going down... *THUD!*"

Guard "You there! What's your name?"

Father "Huh? Uh.... Simon? Simon of Cyrene."

Guard "Help him carry the thing. Help him carry the wood."

Father "Do you know even who you're talking to right... You know what? Whatever"

*Lifts wood*

Jesus "Hey *Father*! Er, oh... Heheheh."

Father "Yeahyeah, very funny."

Jesus "I think so. Yeah."

Father *exasperated sigh*

Jesus "I don't think that guard likes me very much."

Father "Yeah... I think I'm going to burn him alive later..."

Jesus "Heheheh."

Father "Tsk! This is dumb. Why are you doing this?"

Jesus "Yeah... I don't know.... What else is there to do?"

Father 😧 "Um... I don't know, I guess. I don't like this..."

Jesus "Hey, not too late to save me."

Father "From what!?"

Jesus "Heh... Alright. Here we are."

Guard "Alright. Move along."

Father 😡 *Disgruntled mumbling* "Gonna move that fucking flesh along... Right offa that fucking skeleton of yours..." 😤

Guard "Alright. Let's nail him to the wood and get out of here."

*Hammering noises*

Jesus "Ow."

Guard *Stabs Jesus and walks away*

Jesus "Hey! Ouch! That is sharp...."

Dismas "Oh Lord! Please! Please forgive me!"

Jesus "Ok."

Gestas "Hey, why don't you just use your God magic, huh?"

Jesus "Ok."

Crow *Lands next to Gestas*

Gestas "AAAAAH! AAAH! MY EYES! AAAAAARRGH!!!"

Jesus "Heheheh... This is fun. You guys are fun... Hey... I'm getting cold... This... This feels weird... *Father*! Why have you forsaken me!? Heheheh..."

Father *Disgruntled groan* "GodIhateyousomuchrightnow..."

by Hym Iam August 11, 2023

Evan Rachel Wood

A literal angel.

I love this woman.

Evan Rachel Wood is the closest thing to God I've ever known.

by Spanky McQueefbottom April 10, 2023