oli wood

fucking legend watch out for them

oh that oli wood kid shes mad

by 123mermaid August 13, 2017

Hood Wood

A man that likes having multiple baby mommas that is from the hood.

“Dude, your such a Hood Wood.”

by SkurtSkurtbish June 5, 2023

Drive into the woods

A euphemism for suicide

“Done with this shit man, I’m about to drive into the woods”

by Good b0ye January 21, 2022

going into the woods

A girl who has not shaved for years

Bitch hasn't saved but I'm going into the woods.

by Jackerofmeat October 27, 2018

Faga-woods

Asian male homosexual.

That faga-woods has a fine ass.

by Latin homosexual April 11, 2019

Evan Rachel Wood

A literal angel.

I love this woman.

Evan Rachel Wood is the closest thing to God I've ever known.

by Spanky McQueefbottom April 10, 2023

Wood

Yeah, this is going to be dope. I might do like a Samson one next.

*WHCH!*

Jesus "Ow."

*WHCH!*

Jesus "Ow. "

Guard "Alright now... Carry the wood."

Jesus "Okie dokie. OOF! That feels WAY heavier than I thought it would! It's weird being on the other side of it...."

Guard "Go!"

Jesus "Yeah, no I didn't make these meat Gundams very well..."

*Crowd clamoring in the background*

Father 😨 "What in the fuck is happening right now...?"

Crowd "Kill Jesus! Meh!"

Father "You KNOW he didn't do anything!"

Jesus "Ope... Going down... *THUD!*"

Guard "You there! What's your name?"

Father "Huh? Uh.... Simon? Simon of Cyrene."

Guard "Help him carry the thing. Help him carry the wood."

Father "Do you know even who you're talking to right... You know what? Whatever"

*Lifts wood*

Jesus "Hey *Father*! Er, oh... Heheheh."

Father "Yeahyeah, very funny."

Jesus "I think so. Yeah."

Father *exasperated sigh*

Jesus "I don't think that guard likes me very much."

Father "Yeah... I think I'm going to burn him alive later..."

Jesus "Heheheh."

Father "Tsk! This is dumb. Why are you doing this?"

Jesus "Yeah... I don't know.... What else is there to do?"

Father 😧 "Um... I don't know, I guess. I don't like this..."

Jesus "Hey, not too late to save me."

Father "From what!?"

Jesus "Heh... Alright. Here we are."

Guard "Alright. Move along."

Father 😡 *Disgruntled mumbling* "Gonna move that fucking flesh along... Right offa that fucking skeleton of yours..." 😤

Guard "Alright. Let's nail him to the wood and get out of here."

*Hammering noises*

Jesus "Ow."

Guard *Stabs Jesus and walks away*

Jesus "Hey! Ouch! That is sharp...."

Dismas "Oh Lord! Please! Please forgive me!"

Jesus "Ok."

Gestas "Hey, why don't you just use your God magic, huh?"

Jesus "Ok."

Crow *Lands next to Gestas*

Gestas "AAAAAH! AAAH! MY EYES! AAAAAARRGH!!!"

Jesus "Heheheh... This is fun. You guys are fun... Hey... I'm getting cold... This... This feels weird... *Father*! Why have you forsaken me!? Heheheh..."

Father *Disgruntled groan* "GodIhateyousomuchrightnow..."

by Hym Iam August 11, 2023