Elder

A mindless, controlling drone of the Jehovah's Witness Watchtower Bible and Tract Society. Their function is to squelch independent thought, spy on those suspected of 'wrong doing', and assist the rank and file in making day-to-day menial decisions. They also keep track of the number of hours a member spends knocking on doors each month. Most have the educational level of a toilet brush salesman, but they follow orders well. They enjoy the times spent in judicial committee, where they are privy to confessions of sexual activity of hot young girls, providing fodder for masturbatory sessions at a later time.

Gina- "I have to go shopping for a new pair of shoes for service Saturday, but tomorrow is Black Friday and I don't know if it would be appropriate for a Christian sister to partake in such a worldly celebration. What do you think, Suzanne?"

Suzanne - "I think you should ask the Elders about that. You could ask Brother McDrooly, he is always so knowledgeable. But I would avoid Brother Peterphile, he popped a boner and actually came while I described giving a blowjob when I confessed during my judicial hearing last summer."

Gina - "Thanks, Suzanne. I am always praying thanks to Jehovah for the wonderful Elders we have here at the Kingdom Hall."

by Nelson Birdwell December 5, 2010

Elderness

It's the act of being elderly: clumsy, non-technological yet curious and willing to help.

www.theelderness.com

Elderness: Giving an 'elder' you smart phone asking them to take a picture for you. It seems innocent enough until you turn the camera to (selfie mode) face them and press record. While they attempt to take a photo, they are being recorded the whole time. It's priceless.

Then notify them. 'Oh! It was being recorded the whole time! OOPS!!' This way they know it was all on video. Then show them how its done, so they won't be ELDERNESSED again!

by elderness God July 25, 2013

ELDER

A newborn fetus that is clueless to his surroundings. Sometimes results in doing the unthinkable.

I was such an Elder last nite that when a girl asked me to sleep over, I said I can't because I have class the next day. It was Saturday night.

by RedDoggieZ May 3, 2003

elders

(elders) r da olders en ur crow dat wll bac u if anyting hapenz.

i waz en a beef yestrday and our elders bact it. now is squashed

by chemical ali May 22, 2006

Elders

A very wise and highly competitive and intelligent group of people. Theses groups of people are seen as athletically gifted and connect with nature easily. They have a calm and laid back personality most of the time but will get very intense when stirred up. Over all a funny, tough and sometimes dumb group of people.

Wow that group of elders are something else they were trying to ski down the grass hill over there.

by Courtstephanie122 April 17, 2017

The Elder Wand

An old man's penis

Harry held up the Elder Wand, and Ron and Hermione looked at it with a reverence that, even in his befuddled and sleep-deprived state, Harry did not like to see.
— Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

by murribunda December 28, 2021

screen-elder

An elderly version of the screen-ager. An adult who spends an excessive amount of time on their personal electronic device, usually on social media, rudely ignoring the people around them, and oblivious to their immediate surroundings.

Husband to wife:
Honey, please get off instagram. We're at dinner with friends. That's rude. You're such a screen-elder

by Casa de mil suenos August 13, 2017