The scourge of the Earth as far as insects go. The closest thing to a living hell short of a chronic condition or painful disease. A small itchy insect that will cause you to lose sleep to the point where you will verge on the brink of insanity, but after you live with them for a few years you will slowly real yourself back in. Has a strong negative effect on quality of life as a whole, as your work performance will suffer, visitors will find out and never come back or you stop inviting them in the first place (social isolation) and you give up hope for the future as you've gotten rid of almost all your furniture and had your home fumigated several times, but yet, they're still there. If you are allergic (not everyone is) you will NEVER be presentable in public, as you will have red welts on most of the places on your body, such as the back of your arms, the love handle area, around your knees and lower thighs, etc. While sitting idle in your own home, you will rarely ever go two full minutes without itching ever again unless you're moving and active. Without taking some measures to keep their numbers down, you will eventually find that they are traveling in the clothes you're wearing while in public. You'll be checking out some international calling cards at your local Dollar General and look down and see a rust colored bug crawling across your chest. You'll learn to hate them so bad you smoosh them between your fingers whenever you see one.
If I don't get rid of these bed bugs, I may just torch my house and all my possessions and start anew.
by Sifting Through July 23, 2017
If you're going to have sex with Herpe Helen who has 6 kids with 8 possible fathers, wear a (rubber) so the bed bugs don't bite
by Reverend Jake October 27, 2009
I awoke this morning to a blonde bed bug who's mascara had run onto my pillowcase. As I attempted to start my day, she pulled the covers up tight and asked for breakfast. It was time for her to leave.
by commanderfilms December 11, 2011
by Jakeass8 May 17, 2009
it's the feeling that you get at night when you have bugs crawling inside your ear to lay eggs in your brain. fun eh?
for example the other day i was sleeping in a dismle cave out in the forest. i wake to feel a weird itching in my ear and a spider comes out. so i beat the shit out of it and piss on it's remains. after a few weeks i was acting stupider than usual so to the doctor i went. he said i had baby spider eggs in my brain and were going to come out of my ear in a few days. a few days later...they finally came and it was odd. the spiders had my looks so i could tell i was the father, but at the end i was used and left by another women. :(
by DICK BLANCO March 03, 2004
Apparently, if you run you air conditioning 24/7 it's hard to tell whether or not you have bed bugs but now that they shut my electricity off.... I have bed bugs.
Hym "You want to know what a better use of my time would constitute me sitting in a powerless house scratching the bites I wake up with every morning because, apparently, I have bed bugs.... There is literally nothing I can do about any of this. How's Todd doing? Is he sitting in the dark, scratching he bed bug bites? No? Alright. Cool."
Dr. jeepjorp "It's your own fault"
Hym "Did I rob myself? Did I increase the cost of everything by 150%? Ooh right. I fail to report the fact that the caregivers at the group home I worked at were fucking the retard and violated the abuse and neglect policy which it the direct cause of me getting fired. It's a good thing everyone I know isn't covering for the retard and the whore or this would be someone else's fault...."
Dr. jeepjorp "It's your own fault"
Hym "Did I rob myself? Did I increase the cost of everything by 150%? Ooh right. I fail to report the fact that the caregivers at the group home I worked at were fucking the retard and violated the abuse and neglect policy which it the direct cause of me getting fired. It's a good thing everyone I know isn't covering for the retard and the whore or this would be someone else's fault...."
by Hym Iam September 11, 2022
When two people are having sex and a third surprises the one penetrating the first with surprise butt sex similar to the way bed bugs mate via impaling a male currently engaged in sex with his penis and inseminating the female through the other male's body.
by Vorsteher Agony August 20, 2019