i am in constant agony, this is not a joke; please help me

I am in constant agony. My life is a mess. As a kid I had a natural aptitude for math and science, but I let it get to my head, ultimately ruining my possibility to go to college.

I wasted my life playing video games and watching the television; the natural talents I once had have apathied and worn away, leaving the one thing I was good at behind.

My life has been nothing but a fastly accelerating downward spiral and I have failed to provide anything of with to anyone.

Isaiah: Hey, Ed! Haven't seen you in a few years, how are you don't?

Me: I am in constant agony, this is not a joke; please help me.

Isaiah: ...
Me: ...
Isaiah: yeah, same.

by MrDrEdward October 31, 2021

anus agony

The anguish your anus goes through sometimes.

Claire crawled outta the bathroom, hands on her ass, face contorted with anus agony. Tears streamed down her face. Poop was smeared on the bathroom walls. "Call 911. I have anus agony", she moaned.

by Mazuel-Aziz November 4, 2006

No Agony, No Bragony

There's no bragging rights for people who haven't worked for it.

"Oh man, that team really sucks." Oh really? Have you worked as hard as them or have the balls to even go for the team? "Nah dude, they suck I don't wanna join them!" Then shut up, No Agony, No Bragony.

by Offbrand. July 24, 2009

aloney

The true definition of a "selfie "

Your really just alone taking pictures of your self.

I took an aloney today and posted on Facebook .

by Runningwithbeer July 28, 2016

man agony

The feeling of complete anguish while in a committed, monogamous relationship.

Or, your boyfriend's hilarious attempt at spelling monogamy which has forever been replaced by man agony.

I have a bad case of man agony.

Wow, have you seen her today? She's struggling with some real man agony.

by MichelleinCanada May 1, 2012

Agony

A one-armed man hanging off a cliff with itchy balls.

The man was in agony while attempting mountain climbing.

by KcKdOfFtHeTeAm February 25, 2008

Agony of Defeat

Phrase originally made famous on the old ABC's Wide World of Sports show that aired on Saturday afternoons. A hapless ski jumper fell off the jump and had the misfortune to have that little video clip replayed about a zillion times over the years.
Antonym is Thrill of Victory

Bringing you the wide world of sports, where you can experience the thrill of victory and the agony of defeat all within the comfy confines of your living room.

He blew that $1,000 Nassau and then got fired for letting down the Chairman's team - talk about the agony of defeat.

by AdamanEve April 12, 2006