Truckwits: The Masters of the Open Road and
Poor Decisions
A Truckwit is a highly specialized breed of
heavy vehicle operator whose IQ appears to be directly proportional to the number of tires beneath them. This means your average 18 wheeler
pilot is a certified genius at least in their own mind.
They travel in loosely organized herds, much like feral cats—unpredictable, occasionally cooperative, but mostly just doing their own thing. Their migratory patterns revolve around servo station
hot boxes, where they engage in
deep philosophical debates over the merits of an overcooked Chico Roll versus a lukewarm
meat pie.
Despite the existence of modern navigation technology a Truckwit operates on an ancient, primal
system known as gut instinct—which often results in them missing turns, doubling back, and aggressively insisting, “I know a shortcut!”
Communication with a Truckwit is
best attempted
via UHF 40, where they derive great pleasure from the
sound of their own voice. However conversation can be challenging, as they have the listening skills of a goldfish on espresso. This becomes especially apparent when guiding them in tight spots.
For example, when directing a Truckwit to turn left, one must carefully phrase instructions:
"Left hand down! No, the other left! LEFT LEFT LEFT—oh just let Jesus take the
wheel."
Yet for all their quirks Truckwits are the backbone of the economy, delivering the goods we all rely on-just maybe not always to the correct address.
