You have sex with you GF/wife (make sure she's freshly shaved), once complete go to bed. when she is sleeping get some clear tape. cover over her vagina making sure it is hardly visible and covers her holes. When she wakes up and trys to go to the bathroom her vagina will be hoover damned.
(Fatty overhears Skinny 1 and Skinny 2 making bitchy remarks about her size)
- Fatty "Do you mind? Anyway, I'm not fat; it's water retention, actually. (In a huff, Fatty stomps off to out of Skinnies' earshot)
-Skinny 1 "Water retention? She must be at least 250lbs. Who does she think she's kidding?
-Skinny 2 "Yeah! Talk about a Hoover Dame!