The most scientific scale known to man for rating the desired mouth-to-phallus ratio during the practice of oral sex. On one end of the spectrum, we have Bernadette Peters with a diminutive mouth. We'll assign her oral cavity a value of .99 carollas (unit of measurement named after Adam Carolla, a pioneer in the field of Phallometry, whose Water-Displacement Method is now the standard throughout the Penile Sciences). Multiplying this value by the average human penis size (100 carollas) yields a Carolla Psychological Satisfaction (or C.P.S.) score of 99 aces (as in, "That's just aces!"). On the other end of the spectrum, we have the less desirable orifice of Sandra Bernhard measuring .01 carollas. Once again, multiplying this value by 100 yields a score of 1 ace. This indicates that the experience of inserting the male member into Bernhard's mammoth mouth for the purpose of fellatio, while perhaps physically pleasurable, is overshadowed by the pride-shattering effects.
Monica Lewinsky: Hey, Bill, you want a BJ?
President Clinton: (covers mouthpiece of the phone he's holding) Monica, I'm on the phone with a Congressman. Sorry about that sir. (inaudible chatter from phone) Yeah, just some intern I'm banging. About a 7. But you should see the mouth on her. (more inaudible chatter) What's the Bernadette-Bernhard scale? (more chatter) Adam who? Oh, I love Birchum.
Monica Lewinsky: Bill, I'm wearing that blue dress you like.
President Clinton: Congressman, I've gotta go. But you've sure given me something to think about. Maybe I'll just work her over with a cigar.
Morgan Freeman Narrator: But he didn't. Well he did. But he also got oral. Completely rejecting the principles of the Bernadette-Bernhard scale. Two things were lost that day: America's innocence, and the confidence of the pretty well-endowed Leader of the Free World. It just goes to show you, some birds aren't meant to be caged, their feathers are too bright. But in such a massive cage, who can see a bird anyway? Get it on. Got to get it on. No choice but to get it on. Mandate, get it on.
President Clinton: (covers mouthpiece of the phone he's holding) Monica, I'm on the phone with a Congressman. Sorry about that sir. (inaudible chatter from phone) Yeah, just some intern I'm banging. About a 7. But you should see the mouth on her. (more inaudible chatter) What's the Bernadette-Bernhard scale? (more chatter) Adam who? Oh, I love Birchum.
Monica Lewinsky: Bill, I'm wearing that blue dress you like.
President Clinton: Congressman, I've gotta go. But you've sure given me something to think about. Maybe I'll just work her over with a cigar.
Morgan Freeman Narrator: But he didn't. Well he did. But he also got oral. Completely rejecting the principles of the Bernadette-Bernhard scale. Two things were lost that day: America's innocence, and the confidence of the pretty well-endowed Leader of the Free World. It just goes to show you, some birds aren't meant to be caged, their feathers are too bright. But in such a massive cage, who can see a bird anyway? Get it on. Got to get it on. No choice but to get it on. Mandate, get it on.
by griffin_t_a September 25, 2014
Get the Bernadette-Bernhard scale mug.A Ylva Qvarnström Bernhardt is a creature known to apear In the mountains in northern Sweeden. Despite her petite body, she is an amazing guarding dog. She can bite and run backwards very fast. She is also very good at making dinner, but be aware that you may find pinecones in your porridge. This is a sign that you've been accepted to their tribe because Ylva Qvarnström Bernhardt's confuses pine cones for being their offspring. So if you receive a pine cone from your pet Ylva Qvarnström Bernhardt they have accepted you to be their baby's father (despite your gender you are assigned the father role). Ylva Qvarnström Bernhardt's are always sweet and will bring you a lot of joy. You should know, before you tame one, that she can't control her bladder so she must wear a super soft ultra absobent daiper at all times.
Oh no i forgot to put a diaper on my Ylva Qvarnström Bernhardt
My Ylva Qvarnström Bernhardt gave me a pine cone!
Oh damn there she goes, my Ylva Qvarnström Bernhardt is chasing the mailman again.
My Ylva Qvarnström Bernhardt gave me a pine cone!
Oh damn there she goes, my Ylva Qvarnström Bernhardt is chasing the mailman again.
by Jonkejens January 19, 2022
Get the Ylva Qvarnström Bernhardt mug.Related Words
Bernhard is a guy who is just amazing. He`s always charming and funny. Also he is inteligent and hung like a elephant!
by Murph69 January 24, 2017
Get the Bernhard mug.Bernhard is a typical boy bitch. He is often very vise and sexy. He is so sexy that it is irritating. Bernhards will often just shit on the floor and scream “SHIT”. Bernhard means why did I give birth to this boy.
by Mads mystic February 13, 2018
Get the Bernhard mug.The closest man to a dwarf that you will find. What he lacks in height he makes up with in width. He doesn't give a fuck about what you say he is just gonna do his thing no matter how morally questionable it is!
by Adolf Steyn June 29, 2017
Get the bernhardt mug.The Bernhard German System is the name of the main thrust-formula used in real life. Used to achieve thrust and eventually fly planes or any other form of air vehicle.
by Nugart Abelhof April 13, 2020
Get the Bernhard German System mug.