Emperor Judge- Would you like firing squad, hanging by the neck, or getting sawed in half by two midgets wearing elf hats?
First convict (with all the menacing humorless brevity he can muster)- I'll take firing squad, I'm firing squad hard. I was born a marine, so I don't have to actually join the armed forces to be what I'm destined to be.
Emperor judge- Okay, you got it, firing squad it is for you.
Emperor judge to second convict- Would you like firing squad, hanging by the neck, or getting sawed in half by two midgets?
Second convict- I've always been a roughneck, so I'll take hanging by the neck to show em' even if I die, I can still hang.
Emperor judge- Okay, we will hang you, it should be fun!
Emperor judge to third convict- What about you, do you want firing squad, hanging by the neck, or getting sawed in half by two midgets wearing elf hats?
Third convict- I'll take getting sawed in half by two midgets wearing elf hats for 5,000 Trebek!
Emperor judge- I don't think I've ever met a convict so eager to die. Before you start thinking this is going to be funny, you do know how long it is actually going to take two midgets to cut you in half and split you don't you? They have to reciporicate about four times for every one time a regular person has to do it, it's not going to be fun for you, but I'm going to order a feast to watch my favorite kind of execution.
First convict (with all the menacing humorless brevity he can muster)- I'll take firing squad, I'm firing squad hard. I was born a marine, so I don't have to actually join the armed forces to be what I'm destined to be.
Emperor judge- Okay, you got it, firing squad it is for you.
Emperor judge to second convict- Would you like firing squad, hanging by the neck, or getting sawed in half by two midgets?
Second convict- I've always been a roughneck, so I'll take hanging by the neck to show em' even if I die, I can still hang.
Emperor judge- Okay, we will hang you, it should be fun!
Emperor judge to third convict- What about you, do you want firing squad, hanging by the neck, or getting sawed in half by two midgets wearing elf hats?
Third convict- I'll take getting sawed in half by two midgets wearing elf hats for 5,000 Trebek!
Emperor judge- I don't think I've ever met a convict so eager to die. Before you start thinking this is going to be funny, you do know how long it is actually going to take two midgets to cut you in half and split you don't you? They have to reciporicate about four times for every one time a regular person has to do it, it's not going to be fun for you, but I'm going to order a feast to watch my favorite kind of execution.
by The Original Agahnim November 27, 2021
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by guysavage March 27, 2010
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Elf
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When a person, no more than 3 feet high, dressed in a green outfit with a goofy hat provides you, and/or Santa a reach-around. Especially in malls and parades.
Uncle Kevin, while dressed in a Santa outfit at his work party got an elf around while asking little Joey what he wants for Christmas.
by OptimusPrime1 July 9, 2010
Get the Elf Around mug.by Hercolena Oliver March 28, 2009
Get the elf-esteem mug.since he's sooooo short of course he's an elf ruler! But who cares! Hes just sooo cute and hot and sexy and his eyes! *melts at the sight of edwards golden eyes*
by Serenity, Edward's girlfriend August 21, 2006
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Low priced DVD that’s just too hot to handle, There ant no lower price than that of an Elf DVD. You want great quality at a great price look no further than Elf DVD.
by That Sexy Elf July 16, 2008
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