The Dirt Man

The Dirt Man is a mythological entity familiar to North American culture. The origin of the myth is unknown, but it bears similarities to the familiar childhood myths like the Tooth Fairy or Easter Bunny. Where these myths diverge is in perceived alignment, and the age demographic. The tooth fairy and Easter bunny are known to be positive, well-meaning entities whereas the dirt man is a negative, frightening one, and is believed in by many adult men.

The myth commonly tells of a dark and shadowy figure, often appearing as a middle-aged man dressed as a cowboy. The dirt man visits and invades the homes of single bachelors, that is to say men without romantic partners. When the dirt man comes to your bedside, he is said to check beneath your pillow for a material sacrifice in the form of dirt, clay, or soil. If the dirt man finds dirt beneath your pillow, he will leave the home, sometimes leaving behind mysterious dirty boot prints and the smell of fresh soil. If the unlucky bachelor, however, does not leave a sacrifice for the dirt man, it is believed that he will harm or abduct the bachelor. Physical harm from the dirt man comes in many forms, and commonly involves damage to a man's reproductive system. Men report awakening to see the dirt man staring at them in the dark of night, and in the following days experiencing new problems including but not limited to: erectile dysfunction, low sperm count, Epididymitis, and the shrinking of one or more testicles, or the scrotum.

"We're guys, we keep a little dirt under the pillow for the dirt man, in case he comes to town. I keep a little dirt under the pillow for the dirt man, so he won't take me down to his lair."

by DefinitelyNotTheDirtMan May 30, 2024

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