Scan Monkey

Any lowly employee in a retail big box store. Commonly seen wearing colored polo shirts with name tags and khaki pants, carrying some sort of portable barcode scanning apparatus, such as a scan gun. Usual habitats include, but are not limited to: Walmart, Target, Best Buy, Old Navy, Shoe Carnival, and at one time, Blockbuster Video. The Scan Monkey is well-known for its constant screeches of sarcasm and passive-aggressive tendencies, particularly towards figures of authority and their customers.

Approach one at your own risk, preferably while baring gifts of candy... or caffeine.

Jimmy: Let's see, I'm 30 now and I've worked at Walmart, Blockbuster, Hot Topic, Krogers, Best Buy, Sears, and now I'm doing a nickel as an Assistant Guest Services Specialist over at Rent-A-Center.

Kevin: So in other words, you've been nothing but a professional Scan Monkey your whole adult life?? *snort*

Jimmy: Eat my arse, BUTT MUNCH!!

by jimmydevious January 27, 2013

Freckled Monkey

When a girl has a lot of freckles that stem down to the netherlands. (as long as it is shaved)

Look at how many freckles Gerri has, you know she has a freckled monkey.

by BigDaddy618 April 30, 2010

Sluggish Monkey

Typically a person who is a bit crazy at times but really lazy overall

Girl 1:"how's your boyfriend?"

Girl 2:"he's good but overall a bit of a sluggish monkey,"

by ME GRANDMA 52 February 26, 2018

Chaos Monkey

An agent provocateur, pot stirrer, or fire starter whose only purpose is to increase entropy within their field of influence.

The plot owed its seemingly endless twists and turns to the play's cast of chaos monkeys and capricious ne'er-do-wells.

by BlumpNumpkin December 9, 2022

freezing the monkey

when you bang a snowman people will call it freezing the monkey

MOM leave I am freezing the monkey come back later

by MrDickleson August 11, 2019

Chewing the monkey

When someone is giving a blowjob but the guy can't get an erection.

"I couldn't get hard so she was just chewing the monkey."

by iTzMaGiK May 8, 2017

The spasticated monkey

it is the art of applying wax to the hair of the arm pits of someone (subject can be asleep, or awake), and ripping it off while sticking a lit cigarette up the nose.

" Gary got the spasticated monkey again last night, he was a right tool".

by Bobmonkhouse1000 June 3, 2009