Turd Burglar

A person who anally fists another, grabbing the feces inside the anal cavity. The fister then removes the contents of the anus and proceeds to Waluigi-run away from the crime scene (usually while also maniacally laughing). This is a very real and lucrative crime. On average a turd burglary occurs at least once every hour.

911 Operator: “911, what’s your emergency?”
Victim: “I need to report a burglary.”
911 Operator: “what was stolen.”
Victim: “I’d prefer not to say. Please send an officer quick! The turd burglar is getting away!”

by Definitely *NOT a Turd Burglar May 30, 2022

Turd Burglar

One who takes shit or allows themself to be spoken down to by others.

“Poor Jeff, he always allows his boss to talk down to him, poor turd burglar”

by Sir Francis Argaf June 8, 2022

turd burglar

a funny insult which could be used when someone is/was being a dick, usually in a non-serious manner (also see turgle for further details).

mike: *steals jenny's phone*
jenny: give it back you turd burglar

by eminemanemone December 13, 2018

Turd burglar

Portable restroom technician.

Hey Roy! The toilet is full in the port a pot, think you can wave down the turd burglars when they drive by to empty it for us?

by Motosaki410 June 5, 2019

Turd Burglar

A person who inserts other people's feces inside his/hers own rectum in an effort to obtain any nutrients that could remain.

Put that poop stick down you turd burglar, those are my Nutrients !

by NotTimothyDalton October 19, 2016

Turd burglar

Its an old superstition about A sneaky lil midget bandit theif in the night that climbs in your bathroom window and burgles the turd right out the bowl that more than likely are there because you got shit faced and forgot to flush or your dirty lazy kids left the bowl present for the turd bandit. Because the story goes.... Feed the turd burglar once a week and you will never get a stomach. Keep that gut flora happy ... Feed the turd burglars.

"Tiny tim dont flush that shit you know you got to leave that for the turd burglar tonight or you will end up with a belly ache

by Ghostbuster2000 February 8, 2021

Turd burglar

An individual who has the annoying habit of making a scene outside the stall while you’re trying pop a deuce in order to get you to hurry up. Turd Burglars show up typical when you’re in public bathroom in a busy location and someone very impatient shows up and decides to interrupt your shitting session.

>You: answering nature’s call in a public bathroom like a normal person

> Turd burglar: “ Hurry up mister I need to go, I NEED TO GO!!!” X 50 on loop until you finish pushing your slimy turd

by Thicke Henry Richard September 8, 2020