Surfer Jesus

The traditional western image of Jesus which depicts Him as a white dude with long hair and a gnarly beard. Totally looks like the surf bum at your local beach. Or homeless.

The King of Men hangs 10

Surfer Jesus doesn't just walk on water, he rides the waves

by homieijustfuckedyomomma May 17, 2018

Geneva Jesus

Forgives the sins of War criminals, so they may commit war crimes without prosecution and return to Valhalla. Civilians will now be known as "Acceptable Casualties".

Also the leader of the "Geneva Warcriminals" gaming clan on Twitch and Mixer.

"Geneva Jesus shall set me free, for I am his humble servant." GJ 6:9

by Geneva Jesus November 13, 2019

Ruckus and Jesus

When your in the middle of fucking and realize that you are not holy and Jesus would not want you fucking for pleasure

Damn I was having the best sex of my life until I thought about Jesus. I guess I was hit with the Ruckus and Jesus

by Fidget spinner licker April 1, 2019

Jesus in a wheelchair?

When about to hell JESUS FUCKING CHRIST!!! out of rage but realizing you are surrounded by Bible beaters, and quickly changing it to something else as not to be forced to listen to eighty bible verses to compensate for you sins.

Gay 1 (During intense super smash brothers ultimate for nintendo switch match) "JESUS IN A WHEELCHAIR?!?!?'d be funny right?"

Gay 2 "I guess it'd be funny?"

by Archduke of Douchebags May 16, 2019

jesus wobbin

The art of speakers visbaly moving back and forth whilst a low frequency is playing through them. Typically in a studio environment.

Damn they're Jesus wobbin right now. Turn it down!

by Alphx February 28, 2019

speeding-Jesus

A car passing you while you are speeding. This car will most likely get stopped by the police instead of you. Thus, they sacrifice themselves for your speeding sins.

Thank you speeding-Jesus; I can keep driving fast now, as long as you are in front of me. Speeding-Jesus take wheel.

by heathcat June 15, 2019

smoke Jesus

A joint rolled with a piece of paper from the Bible and the filter is a thicker piece of paper also from the Bible.

Or a joint or two that have the form of a cross.

Don’t just smoke weed smoke JESUS

by Jxhnny_Gxddamn August 6, 2019